1Double-o7

formal intro

2009-12-12T22:01:00.000-08:00

i have really started to enjoy me some good ol' SNL. i find kenan thompson to be hilarious in the roles that he plays as the 'black guy' in many of the skits. his delivery is one of my favorites, prolly right up there with will ferrell in his ability.
the other cast member that i really like is kristen wig. her characters in the style of gilly, the kind that get ridiculously silly and way over the top reactions to average situations are tops.

on the subject of humor, a co-worker told me that her grandma thought that 'lol' stood for lots of love. i guess it was okay until her uncle steve died and her grandma sent a text message saying: uncle steve died, lol. it is now a family joke for them. props to grandma for have dexterous enough thumbs to be able to text.

i have discovered 'supercity' on facebook. it's a lot like simcity of my childhood, but takes a lot longer. it will cut into the sleep, i'm sure.

grammy/grammy

2009-12-07T21:15:00.000-08:00

i feel that my job puts me in a weird position. obviously, i have a job. boom goes the dynamite. but the idea that i'm working full time and getting paid more puts me one step ahead of the student workers. i try to be friends with them and such, but i feel that being too friendly kind of makes things awkward when corrections need to happen. but at the same time, i'm the lowest guy on the totem pole at work. i live in the purgatory of work. somebody needs to pay the job priests so i can move on with my life.

i've played this game for about 15 hours now. sooo good

http://armorgames.com/play/4962/bubble-tanks-tower-defense

heavy leaf

2009-12-01T19:40:00.000-08:00

so it's december 2, i haven't heard anything from the Princeton.

there is something about having open spaces. clean, open spaces. i have lived in this house for over 4 months tomorrow, and i'm still battling the open spaces in my house. last night i spent the time to clean organize the areas that i spend the most time in.

taking the time to open it up, it makes me feel good about walking into sucha room. the furniture has a place. each decoration has a purpose. lines move and make sense from each object. colors belong, putting attention on good focal points. modern and minimal. curves, not corners. light, not darkness.

today we celebrated festivus in our office for all the Seinfeld fans out there. grievances were aired and the pole was erected. no tinsel and out boss was beating in a thumb wrestling match.

head East!

2009-11-30T22:41:00.000-08:00

here are some blogs of people that i could know

a heart in flight sarah started this about a year ago as a new year's resolution thing that she was going to try to do. i think she made it until april. maybe march. she had a recent spurt, but i don't think it lasted very long.

'Am-ha'aretz Press
Isaiah has lot to say about Christianity. he tried to update it about once/twice a month. a lot of thinking is involved, unlike here

Blake Stratton Blake's website was made by Apples. it definitely has a few bugs, but again it's okay for the occasional update

Chandler Jo she started this blog when she moved to Kansas City to go to IHOP. she writes songs/poetry.

those are about the only ones that have a chance of being updated. i used to follow an 90 year old lady, but she doesn't blog anymore. she probably died. that is a phrase most people only think their children might say. so long as i don't have any children, i'll be okay... there were a couple of other trip blogs, one to france, another to south africa, new yourk, egypt, and all of north america. some were good, most weren't.

so if you have some that you think i should discover, let me know. i like feeling connected to others.

5 ideas to be the best blogger evar
1-i really don't care about your cat.
2-i want a reason to read
3-not a diary.
4-humor or something to be stimulated by
5-eye candy
6-free stuff (get what i did there)

my top rated

2009-11-28T21:35:00.000-08:00

thanksgiving was one of those good ones. there isn't any pressure to be good, give good, or have a perfect campfire. although, that really isn't a pressure for me, more like a talent derived from many moons of a smoky sky and dry timbers.

my grandma's house is a house of stories. i used to think that she had all this stuff, what looked like junk to me. well, i learned that she has a story for each and every item in her home. it could be that she took a class with her daughter and made it, or that she got it from Bud's 2nd marriage. (i have a great uncle named Bud.) i also have a couple of relatives that got married after both of their spouses died after 50 years of marriage. they have over 100 years of marriage between them. they are celebrating their 50 month anniversary. when the pastor told them they had to go to marriage consoling, they told him they have 100 years of marriage. he didn't make them go :) it is pretty neat hearing about all the stuff and where it came from.

my grandma wore jeans for the 1st time i can remember. my grandpa wouldn't let her wear jeans cause he had to wear bib overalls when he was a kid and hated it so much that he wouldn't let his wife wear jeans outside. strange, i know. my dad didn't have jeans until he was a senior in high school.

my playlist tonight has been relaxed. shremaxed to the pancakes!

repetitititititon

2009-11-19T21:24:00.000-08:00

lessons learned today:

so i got some glasses ordered. it's only been about a year since i broke my glasses. same frame, just new lenses. so i was asking around the office for a good optometrist, and peggy said i should go to her opto cause he was a christian and so he was ethical. i didn't understand why being a christian means that he should be ethical. being a christian is a belief, being ethical is an action. not related. so i asked somebody else and went to that one instead. i also would suggest that you not sign the disclosure statement about your medical history. it allows them to give away your medical info for many reasons, including marketing and advertising. i really don't want people to do that. k? k.

waiting for my mikey rolls to be done. delicious rolls, i hope they turn out well. hard to say if they will, but i'm trying. something very yummy about butter, sugar, and flour. that's right, i think that is the first time i've used the word yummy in this blog.

my grandkids will be thanking me someday for their good looks. and organ donors.

spaceship

2009-11-15T18:33:00.000-08:00

i got put on the Christmas party committee. here were my suggestions-

holiday hats. not just santa hats, but any friggin type of hat associated with Christmas. turbans, or crowns, or star hats. there should be prizes for biggest, longest, and smallest. kinda like pensis. yes, there should be a prize for the small guy too.

the obvious christmas sweater challenge. i went to get one from my local thrift store, but it has 5 holes in it. so now i have to go find another crappy sweater. i don't think anybody else is going to wear crappy christmas sweaters, but isn't that what this contest is all about? :) categories could be, most bells, most santas, and best christmas saying/logo

best decorated cubicle thing. categories include most christmas lights, most jesus' and most out of place oraments. things like a rocketship, or custom made ornaments like gay shepards going at it.

another competition would be the non-traditional christmas challenge. Hanukkah, Quanza, Ramadan, and the atheist christmas should all be allowed. the only 2 categories here are most effort and best Fail.

there you have it, my office Christmas competitions. cause that's Christmas.

5 favorite instrumentals right now:
smoke and mirrors-RJD2
gettysburg - Ratatat - just the music
eple - royksopp - this is a very cool video too
detour - pawa up first
polaris - zero 7

50 biggest movies

2009-11-14T17:18:00.000-08:00

i was walking home from the international food fair, and there's a cat sitting in the middle of the parking lot. i'm all like, awww it's a cat. look at that cat. it's drizzly and cold, i bet that cat is miserable. so i went over and petted said cat. it had a crooked tail. sad cat.

i walked about 20 yards more. there was another cat. aww, sad cat. i hope it is doing okay.

i get home. frickin cat hiding in my leaf pile. get out of my leaf pile, cat.

banana sun

2009-11-12T07:15:00.000-08:00

i just read two mind-numbing science articles. they both are making my head explode.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/6546462/The-10-weirdest-physics-facts-from-relativity-to-quantum-physics.html

http://objectiveministries.org/creation/sciencefair.html

lemon lights

2009-11-11T19:30:00.000-08:00

not on today's list was spill a gallon of milk in my kitchen. then use all of my towels to clean it up. definitely not on my list.

thing that was on my list was go to the grocery store. get food. eat that food.

i hate chit chat. my mom would require us to spend about 15 minutes of time after church talking with people. i would do a couple of things to avoid that. i would be one of the last people to walk out of the sanctuary, i would then wonder the church and use the bathroom the farthest away from everybody else. then i would go sit in the van. i don't do well with social hours either. or down time between events. i would probably go to more conventions and other things like that if i didn't have to slosh through all the social interaction. probably one of the reasons i like being behind the scene. it gives me something to do, or a way to get out of talking to people:)

i would rather learn about people by working with them, or around them.

remind me later

2009-11-10T19:24:00.000-08:00

the goats, the goats, the goats are on fire. where is my water?

so i have applied to a job at Princeton University to be their audio specialist, but haven't heard anything back from them. the job application says still pending and their HR department doesn't give out anymore information. this is the only limbo i seem to be winning.

ahh, the warm embrace of complacency. the job is becoming a little more bearable. i just need to keep a list of goals that i want to complete, otherwise i will continue to drift. right now i'm trying to decide what classes i want to take next semester. i'm thinking calculus and a CAD class. i'm still pushing towards a degree in EE. eventually a masters depending on how long this all takes. they offer a masters in IT, but it seems so elementary the description of it. it's for people who have never written code. what a joke. kinda half ass. i've noticed that this school is pretty good at doing things halfway.

still looking for a microwave.

why you wan na hate on us?

2009-10-05T21:00:00.001-07:00

man, the questions keep coming. tonight's question: job

there is a part time job at princeton open. there is another opening that is a little bit more coding intensive than i'm used to. my question is how much would it pay per year? or should i just say screw it and enjoy my ride while i'm young and have nothing tying me down. it's at princeton freaking university. which is kinda cool, ya know.

no afterwords extras for you, cause you're not tall enough.

jhok ranjhan

2009-09-30T21:41:00.000-07:00

so i live with 1 plate, 4 glasses, 2 bowels

i do dishes often.

so i'm finally setting up a respectable system in our main concert hall. 6, Woodworx 15A, (it might be 8 if i can figure out some switch-a-roos) and 4, woodworx 18A all driven by 5, Crown k2. this could be our install system if i can figure out how to fly them. then all i would need are monitors and we would have a decent start on a system.

things that would have to get figured out:

ACOUSTICS!!!! it's a friggin box! with curtains! and huge metal duct work all over! angle me some walls please :(

wiring- needs an upgrade! proper patch bays, tie lines, snakes, MASS connects, speakon, and that's just the audio. the lighting is just as poor. the lighting needs an overhaul just as much as the audio does. no video or recording support.

processing - there is one reverb unit for all the venues! need to get a delay unit if everything is going to fly. the balcony will chop off the direct sound for the last rows. could use some compressors. oddly, we have a lot of graphic eqs.

mics. the most we could acceptably do is a k,s,OH bass, guitar and vocal. 57b and a few 58. there are a lot of wireless mics, but nobody who knows anything about them... again, call the expert, me.

oh, just a side note, a monitor console. ya know, just a side note.

saint discard

2009-09-26T22:29:00.000-07:00

gosh, amtrak sucks!

so i'm trying to go visit my sister in milwaukee. and i've always wanted to travel by train. well, to ride the amtrak, it would take 8+ hours to get to chicago. and then i would have to wait another day to get to milwaukee, or take the bus. WTF! you wanna know why nobody rides the train?! cause it sucks! it would cost $114 for the round trip to chicago, and then another $22 bucks for the 2nd day of my trip. the better put me up in some awesome bed just cause this blows. but i don't think i'm going to take the train that far. it's only $137 for a round trip from KC to MIL on northwest or something like that. and it would only take 1.5 hours. ftw

ALSO, pt 2 of the rant. so to take the train to kansas city, it's not a bad deal. about $24-28 for a round trip. it gets there at 2, leaves at 8. so that gives me about 6 hours of bird watching time. not bad. but if i want to take my bike with me, it costs another $10! WHy? do? you? torture? me? pissing me off. why do bikes costs more? i mean, it's freaking mass transit. i would think that you would want people to take their bikes on the train.

whey don't you let me know?

2009-09-22T21:41:00.000-07:00

the title was supposed to be why don't you let me down, a song by kim taylor

/

we had pictures done today for the union staff. had to wear a suit. and i shaved. yup. i really need to find something else to keep me entertained. i'm getting bored. very much so.

bought a lawn mower and a trimmer this past week, along with some other plants. they are in the ground.

looking to buy a couch.

it's cold here.

so the past few days i've maybe stepped on a few people's toes with out meaning too. but one boss really has been encouraging me to be myself. she's had some good feedback from people about interacting with me. so it pushes me to continue to keep pushing the envelope. i just hope it doesn't offend too many people. as long as i can stay mildly amusing and not too annoying, it will be good. i got to keep learning these fine lines for everyone. some sheeple don't understand some of my basic jokes. others have really been able to smile.

a week ago or something, i got into this verbal spat with one of these girls. i don't know if i told you this, but i dominated, and she didn't like it. well, it was one of those things about how i didn't know anything and i turned it around and she ended up looking like she didn't know anything. anyway, she's been really nice ever since then, but at the same time dropping hints like 'do you know how big my husband is?' no, and i don't care. also, oh, your probation period is almost up and then you'll won't be able to blame it on being new. yadda yadda. she gets on a lot of people's nerves.

have a GREAT day

i bring the storm king

2009-09-12T20:10:00.000-07:00

well shit,

today i listen to chick corea. from about 3 to 9 today. i only skipped about 3 songs, which is a record for me. i was floored! a lot of talent and wonderful sounds. now i'm listening to bob james. more of a funk flavored jazz. delicious

so if i had to predict i would be were i am 3 year ago, i probably would have kicked myself. dumbass didn't major in computer science. look where that gets you! shoulda done it. or minored.

this past week has been a sad reflective week. the end of my nashville chapter. probably one of the better chapters in my life thus far. the friends i had and the people i met. along with the places i worked and the experiences i experienced. i would say it probably was better than nwc. one, cause it didn't end so shitty. and memories were sweeter.

t'row is milan's birthday. he'll be 18.

5 things unrelated:
LEDs
birds
shoes
clubs
peanuts

i remember when

2009-09-11T04:31:00.000-07:00

i slept from 9:30 to 11. 11:30 to 3 5:30 to 6.

gosh.

gnarls barkley= my favorite band right now

things that keep me up at night-le job and girls. prolly not in that order.

i've been thinking about starting an audio consulting service.

work starts at 10.

everybody loves everybody these days

2009-09-09T19:39:00.000-07:00

what would i do if i could not fail?

i would ask for love. and hugs. i would ask for answers to questions i've carried. why did you cheat on me?

why did we never say what we were feeling?

i would carry the world on my shoulders, i would take away famine, but not hunger. i would take away the despair, unjustice. i would leave hurt, and anger, but strike away agony.

i would require honesty and stillness. weeks would only have 4 working days. tomorrow would not make plans for itself.

i would ban the words forever and life sentences.

scientists would govern, and philosophers would be CEOs, and politicians would be chosen randomly.

jails would not have bars, and police would not carry guns.

long haired freaky people would be encouraged to apply.

this country beats france

2009-09-06T22:53:00.001-07:00

sad day.

someone asked me if i was happy with my job. i don't know if i've been indoctrinated by media, but i said no. no person is happy with their job i've been led to believe.

i was interested in this girl. she had many qualities i've looked for, and i've gotten lost in her eyes before. and adored what she stood for, and the things she worked towards. i liked her long brown hair and her beautiful smile. the way she said my name. i would look forward to it.

now i don't. we will be friends, but i don't think i will push it as hard as i did. i thought i wanted to get to know more about her and let her know more about me. as i have done this, i have realized there are things that i can't agree with. i think i raised my expectations as she grew closer and they didn't correlate with each other.

it could just be that i'm scared of rejection and jealousy.

archive your cassettes

2009-08-23T19:34:00.000-07:00

so i just finished watching 2001: a space odyssey. what a crazy movie. it was hard for me to watch cause i was expecting more of a plot. i had read the book a while ago, and knew what HAL 9000 was all about. i got more out of reading the wikipedia article about it than watching the movie, but it is one of those culture things.

i got a washing machine today for $50, and it's relatively new, like 4 or 5 years old. still works, but i need to get the hoes for it. i would have gotten them today, but i was too lazy until it was too late, and then the flippin traffic in this town kept me from getting there on time.

if there is one thing about warrensburg, it is considerably underfunded. the uni is underfunded, the hwy 13 running thru town is in sad shape, the rental housing here is shitty. i got one of the better places, but it ain't perfect. i def saw some shit holes when i was looking around.

so this town charges for garbage. and the different companies don't recycle. it's $45 for 2 months! good grief. i'm sure there will be more things that will piss me off.

i've started setting up a budget on mint.com it is a pretty cool app. i think it will be useful for me to keep these things in mind. it keeps a realtime posting of your bank, loans, credit cards, IRAs, and other investments. then it helps you budget, and it recognizes what you've spent money on and then shows you how much of your budget you've used. neat.

well, i think i'll be working some overtime this week. the boss is due to have his baby this week. so i'll be getting things organized, i thinks.

create post

2009-08-17T22:18:00.000-07:00

things i don't have to worry about living bout myself

wtf is that smell - s'mee

who's turn is it to do the dishes?

why aren't the dishes done?

do i have to find a clean bowl?

do i have to use a clean spoon?

do i really have to do dishes?

i can play my music loud i can play my music anytime i want i can play what ever song i want

bedtime is anytime i want it.-no one wakes me up early. except my neighbor on saturdays. that is band practice day. but i wear earplugs to bed cause i don't want to listen to the birds.

i can sing for myself

the lack of furniture is exactly how i want it arranged
the bathroom is always open.

all the strange people in the house are people i approve (d) of.

no drama

the only people i have to clean the house for are my parents. but i don't see them coming down too often.

the a/c and heat are on when and set to the temp i want. and i find out you changed it, pain will rain.

the phonebook only gets used to kill flies. and they eat the steroids from the cattle lots here.

my name is clark, but people call me fluffy

cabe, my elephant

2009-08-16T20:56:00.000-07:00

so today i had to stay in the warrensburg cause my boss' wife might have a baby and i am on call, but i didn't get paid for that. so i'll have to talk to HR in the morning about this, cause i don't think that's policy.

RHCP is getting back together in october. my brother should be happy. i like them, but not as much as he does.

obama is thinking about dropping the public option from the health care bill. i haven't read it, and neither have you, but personally, i want to help the people w/o ins.

went for a bike ride. this is a nice place to ride the bike. the hills are easy and small. and it doesn't take long to get out of the town. and there is no traffic. but my knee still doesn't like that.

made no bake cookies, which are delish. i mean it's a freakin cookie! who doesn't like cookies in their mouth. if you do, you need to get your mouth checked out cause i think you might have moths.

well, i'm continuing my very slow learning of python. i downloaded v.2.6.1 and called the math class (idk if that's what it's called, but that's what i'm calling it) and figured out how to do simple math problems. i'm sure there is an easier way, but i did it my way cause i don't know what the errors are saying.

also practiced the piano. again, very slow at that. not like during school. i am going to learn debussy's clair de lune this semester. it's not too hard, kinda long. i just need to find some internal drive to get it done. it's a pretty song, maybe to impress le girl someday, no? ya, prolly no.

i'm downloading the internet as we speak. i bet you didn't know it's only about 22 GB of stuff. surprising, i know. but as soon as i'm done, me and some other people will be able to have 22 GB of stuff on our harddrives.

i feel that i no longer exist in physical form, i only exist on the internet. it's how i do.

but on the other hand, i think i'm going down to nashville on labor day. and do the labor day thing. i don't know what that means, but i'm going to do it. K? K.

watched some TED. something about memes, another on how our facts we know about AIDs in Africa are prolly wrong. like not 25 million people dying, lower. Uganda had a successful campaign against AIDs cause coffee dropped in prices. it's not correlated with poverty. one other thing, but i don't remember what it was. something about education maybe?

i bring 40 hours of great fun to work. can you? someday i'll be a winner.

buffalo to the 7th power

2009-08-15T20:00:00.000-07:00

flies want to die. it's the only reason they exist.

i like to pretend like i'm musically gifted, but i'm not. i think i'm better than i really am.

so had this auction the other day. the band shows up late, won't let me set up his drum kit, i'm like wft?!! do you know how many drum kits i've set up? worth 1000s more than yours. and it is actually in tune? yah, i didn't think so. none of the instruments i heard tuned before they played. omg.

found a laudromat, so i did the laundry. it cost me $7 to do it. so i need to find myself a used on one the craigslist. ya know ya know.

mom's birthday on friday. she is 49. i write this down for more of my own gain because that way i'll remember. she was born in 60.

man, there isn't much to do in this town. i can see why people get married so young!! maybe if people spent more time doing other things besides each other, it wouldn't be such a hick place.

i got the sxsw showcasing artists from 2008-2005. another 8 gigs of music i haven't heard, so it'll take me prolly until christmas to get through it all.

i think i'm going to go back to nashville for labor day. if everything works out. i couldn't go home this weekend cause my boss' wife is expecting and i could be called in anytime on sunday. but i don't get paid for being on call. is that legal?

yogurt, the word gurt, where did you come from? i mean seriously. did a musical theatre major at belmont decide that gur need someway to spit on other people? evaluate your life.

missing my people in the nashville! espcially anyone who is reading this.

kan't keep runnin away

2009-07-29T21:31:00.000-07:00

so in a couple of days, i make my made dash towards the more middle side of the USA. i will makes tents and sew buffalo hide to trade with the indians and kill fish to share with the bears.

but leaving is kinda hard to do. to up and leave, all for a job. and there are a few people that i am really going to miss. more than 99% of the other people. it has been on my mind and has kept me up for the last couple of nights. i will miss the laughter a lot. but it was interesting to have to wrestle with issues of understanding. i wish it would all work out, but i know that we will all move on. sometimes though.

i don't keep many memories of people either. we were talking earlier today about our favorite memories of each other, and i couldn't remember any memories of people. if they triggered a memory, i could then recall it. but just to pull it out of sky thin air, wasn't possible. i felt ashamed, and so i only asked one person.

well, i have had friends for 3 years now. that is close to the longest i have had friends. amanda brower is the only friend my age that i can honestly say we still stay in contact with. i've know her for 7 years.

what do i want to become in this new job? what kind of person do i want to describe myself as? how do i want to act? i remember coming to Belmont, i asked myself some of the same questions, and it was interesting because i didn't really change all that much from NWC to Belmont. i don't think. i do know that i became more cynical and less intellectual from the move. i don't have the big mind friends at belmont like i did at nwc. don't be offended my belmont friends, but i would say the 3 friends that i was closest to at nwc are all 4.0 and in grad school for sciences people. it's just the different culture. nwc was all about the mind, belmont was all about the soul. not so with my belmont friends. one of my belmont friends might go if she tried, one will work at her current job when she leaves, and he will probably get married not more than a year out of college and he'll be done after that.

i had only one true date at belmont too. it was within the first half of the first semester that i went on it, and after that, i spent a lot of time recovering from 2 relationships. can you believe that is where i have been? it does feel good to say some of this, but the wounds are still are raw and open. it is direct blood flowing in time.

but is it possible that there are others who are hurting more than myself at this moment? that's an oddly comforting and twisted thought. especially if they were hurting because of me. cause i am not at ease with me leaving certain peeps, but i don't know how they felt about me. cause there wasn't much time when i knew how i felt about these smiling faces and times that caused us to be apart for long times. but i feel that this was a tree that i trimmed too soon and then burned the rest around it to the ground. sorry.

i feel that i am a darker man than i have realized. or allowed.

MUSIC CONNECTION COLLECTION
#1 in your hearts - Lay Lady Lay by Magnet i have fallen in love with this song, maybe because it has a connection
#2 in my toes - This Grind by D.O.
#3 tomorrow - Little Better by Gnarls Barkley really like the lyrics and beats that come out of this duo
#4 for your friends -

2009-07-28T10:43:00.000-07:00

Today, I thought about my favorite type of music.

Here are the attributes:
it is airy - has a lot of reverb and space to the song
it is simply arranged - drums, bass, strings, synth, perc toys and vocals are my favorite. maybe it's just me being a piano player, but i have not interest in the guitar.
there is a solid groove - driven by the bass or hi hat
the lyrics are singable
it keeps my attention - the vocals aren't always in my face, there are rests in the music, male singers. i just don't like girl vocals. a good breakdown is worth 3 stars.

5 things i'll miss about nashville
not having a real job
living close to friends
the weather
there isn't much of a corporate culture
the musicians

Scientists discover the 'No Parking' tree

2009-05-07T23:34:00.000-07:00

they say do what you enjoy.

but i don't know what that is.

do i enjoy learning? do i enjoy making music? the answer is yes.

do i want to go back to the college i 1st attended and work there? would i go for my undergrad in EE then too, eventually masters? i would have a steady job, and live comfortably. i could have a positive impact on the standards of audio quality in NW iowa.

or do i stay here and stay poor? do i become a slave to what i enjoy, working many long hours for little pay? it's not like i know any different. do i stay in nashville, around people i like and love? do i work around the best, and try to become better? do i push myself?

and if i choose to have a family, the 1st option would be better for them. the 2nd option isn't all that great. and i don't really want to hang around my family back home. the space is better for us all.

Whirlwind

2009-04-25T20:30:00.000-07:00

about 14 days of college left or something like that.

today's topic is men, and the night time, AND how women view it as "their" time.

So, instead of talking about "innocent people" versus "criminals," they look at every issue through a childish and un-nuanced gender lens, and as a result they don't see reality --everything becomes "women" versus "men." They are quick to show how "reasonable" they are by noting that "not all men hurt women" but then they talk about "rape continuums" that includes men looking at women and other things that do not lead to rape, and they shame innocent men by noting "if you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem," etc. (Of course to ask WOMEN to be part of the solution is "victim blaming" -- innocent men are just as innocent as innocent women, but they are not so excused from being "part of the solution").

Never does it occur to them that innocent men are no more responsible for the criminals than are innocent women. In fact, we have less ability to stop the criminals. Innocent women, on the other hand, can avoid putting themselves in certain dangerous situations (e.g., drinking while engaging in sex play), but it's verboten to talk about that.

It never occurs to them that stereotyping all men on the basis of what a tiny group does is immoral (you know, bigotry and all that stuff that applies to every other class except men). They can't "get it" that maleness skews so wide that our gender produces Einstein, Lincoln and Beethoven -- and also Charles Manson. To them, all men are . . . fill in the blank: dogs, pigs, clueless . . . . Take your pick.

In short, their view of reality is akin to looking at the world through a funhouse mirror. The image it creates is so misshapen, one must look elsewhere to discern reality.

- I didn't come up with this short essay, but I endorse it.

San Diego

2009-04-20T21:37:00.000-07:00

today, we are presenting a new 1 part series and continuing the i-hate-texas-and-you-can-too part 4?

metaphors and similes, but mostly similes

the sun shines like a really, really bright light bulb

he danced like a drunk racoon

the ship got bombed like sadaam

i just let it roll like a grape down a hill

let it live just like c'est la vie

she was a lost as a undergrad looking for a book on facebook

that is every thing i can think of like a cell phone in a toilet

i hate texas, pt 4

please, texas. if you leave, awesome. things that would be much better if texas left,

education

health care - fat people

capital punishment

copyright law - east texas

our dependence on foreign oil

conservatism

george bush

mics and instrumentals

2009-04-13T20:09:00.000-07:00

Why am I a loser? - law of averages
Why does this always happen to me? - i ask for it
What is everyone against me? - cause no body likes me
How come no body likes me? - everyone is against me
Why am I so shy? - why are you so outgoing
Why don’t girls/guys like me? - my body makes them jealous
Why doesn’t anyone like me? - every body is against me
Why can’t I be smarter? - no child left behind has failed
Why am I always wrong? - evolution vs. creationism
Why do I always fail? - i forgot to start
Why doesn’t anything good ever happen to me? - it's not tomorrow
Why do I always get these problems? - i subscribed to the mailing list

singing for the trees

2009-04-09T21:24:00.000-07:00

everyone's taking everything they can. we are in this game for ourselves. besides the obvious working for money, more examples. why do we go to church? in hopes that 1, we go to heaven 2, avoid judgement. why do we get married? so that we can experience love for ourselves. why do we have kids, to pass on our genetic material. why do we want success? so that we can be recognized for our accomplishments. why do we want to be entertained? so we can have the most amount of happiness in our lives.

all of this make altruism such an difficult concept to understand. the excuse of doing good for others doesn't cut it because there is a reason you are helping that person. you help the person sick or hungry because it benefits the community around you. that person gets better so that they can contribute back to the well being of society, or the person is fed so that they may continue to put forth work and make the community better.

right now, some would say that i'm in a state of confusion. i'm really struggling with my identity. on some very basic levels. such as what are my beliefs in a spiritual realm. i will not believe in a god because i might go to hell. i will not fall into such a trap. nor will i accept the teachings of some self-purposing prophet. circular reasoning is just that, haha.
at this point, i'm figuring out what I don't accept.

this blog wins!

2009-04-04T21:26:00.001-07:00

so on the 11th, I have volunteered to help with crowd control at the Nashville Roller Girls Roller Derby. Cause I'm huge. I bring high expectations.

ipods. they can hold 40,000 songs, right? and they charge $.99 a piece for them. so they expect you to pay $40,000? few people spend that much on music, ever. how about 1,000 songs for $40? so it would only cost you $360 to fill up and ipod. just think about it, if you filled up a 1TB drive with music at 128kbs, typical MP3 bitrate, around 3.5 megabytes per song, I would spend close to $300,000 filling that up with music.

i went to get my taxes done at H&R block the other day, and since i'm my own business for some clients, it was going to cost $200 to have them do my taxes. i only made $500 as my business. not good business sense, period. that would be a nice service for colleges to offer. tax service. and not charge.

I'm thinking if i have to go back to college for some reason or not, i will major in ecology.

Some jobs i think i might enjoy
-baker, like dude who makes breads. not cakes cause that just make people fat, but i think i could do pastery chef. do you ever notice that there are more guy chefs in fancy resturants than girls even though we associate cooking as a traditionally girl responsibility?
-gardener. i could see being somebody's gardener/groundskeeper for a summer.
-i could see myself being an outdoor adventure guide.

so now i'm going to do one of those name things as my treat for all you readers, ready?
C - cool as in clark is so cool
L - as in the second letter in clark's name and he's cool
A - awesome as in clark's name is so awesome
R - RAWKING as in the 4th letter of clark's RAWKING name
K - kick ass as clark's name is kick ass

transformers taking you to bed

2009-03-26T16:30:00.000-07:00

well, it's another week. what can we summarize from it?

well, art still takes a long time to make. either analog or digital.

the latest thing that has interested me is the orion project in the 60s. the idea was to move a hotel sized spaceships using nuclear blasts. you could make it to saturn and back in 5 years.

the music industry still is a black hole of wisdom. it just sucks all innovation from those who are supposed to come up with new business models. see the digital summit that happened in nashville.

it's freaking spring time. i planted some carrots, and some flower called butterfly weed, and some other random mix of wildflowers. the wildflowers are beginning to show.

my 3 shows that i'm really interested in right now are the office, lost, and house. the less there is in the title, the more i am attracted to it. but there is a limit to it. for example, if it was called X, i would punch it in the face.

got a haircut. it is just a little below my ears, for an approximate approximation.

well, i don't have my collection of pictures for you, so it's the 5 favorites

5 favorite things to do with wood

-burn it

-build structures

-stain it

-tear it apart

-use a chain saw

those aren't in a particular order

a couple of gypsy eyes

2009-03-21T16:07:00.000-07:00

i enjoy strawberries.

i have spent some time this past week end or so reading.

topics i have covered (give me a second, i have to make a list)
the double discrimination of caribbean women
the arab made misery of hamas
rick steves' opinions on world travel, the economy, and drugs
the role of lying in childhood development
you and your research

i the last article to be the most interesting.

i didn't read it all, but i caught a couple of things that were interesting to me.
one thing that i found really interesting is his thoughts on being a successful/famous scientist. he says that i need to ask myself what is the most important thing in my field right now. you can do a lot of things, but focus on what is going around you and it will help you. he uses a metaphor of an open office door. you might get more distracted by having a open door, but you will be more aware about what is going on around you and will be pointed in the right direction the field is going.

he also talks about conforming. the idea is this, you can do your own thing and be a squeaky wheel, but you will have to fight against the flow your whole career. you won't be able to achieve as much as those who conform because they don't have to expend the effort to fight 'the man'. he extrapolates a lot more on that idea.

like my huge sentences? and the implied subject? they were going to be longer. anyway, i would really recommend the last read even if it might be a little to 'scientific' for you.

i have been running in rehab the last couple of times, 1 minute off and then 1 minute on. slowly i'm getting back there.

also, i'm getting a new phone cause this one is crapping out after i dropped it last month. here is the link to the new one.

not hard to know what you're thinking

2009-03-18T14:40:00.000-07:00

so little story time. this wasn't something i've done for the record.

a friend of mine, let's call him bob, has been an engineer for a while. one of the things that he does each year is some recording for a charity. he used to work with a particular charity of mentally handicapped children. he would record anything they wanted to do. they would sing songs, read stories, tell stories, play instruments, but they were mentally handicapped.

well a few months later, a friend of bobs called him up and said hey, could you help me out? he was doing this music camp for kids and it would be cool for them to be able to record something to show their parents how their money was spent. so bob recorded them.

well, office was a mess. so when it was time for the replication of the music camp cd, he picked up the unmarked cd and gave it to his friend. his friend did a nice job with the packaging, a nice cover and jewel case, an insert for the parents.

well, later bob went looking for the charity cd and realized what he thought was the charity cd was the music camp cd. so that year, the parents of these kids got mentally handicapped music. it was too late to recall, the cd. it was already distributed. i assume an apology was sent, but bob didn't know.

awesome

Loud Pipes

2009-03-11T19:14:00.000-07:00

I don’t really know why someone thought it was necessary to do a poll to see just who were the most disliked groups in society, but the results are in. While serial killers and IRS agents still come in last, hot on their heels are evangelical Christians. Not Christians in general. Not Roman Catholics. Not all Christians, but evangelical Christians.

If you’re like me, you have three reactions to this news. First, you tend to blame the media. Almost every portrayal of an evangelical Christian on television or in movies makes us look like the worst version of every stereotype we fear. Of course, one cannot expect the mainstream media to take up the cause of rescuing the evangelical public image, and these days virtually every group has a list of complaints with various kinds of media portrayals. There is more to the public perception of Bible believers than a media vendetta.

The second reaction is what we tend to say to one another to reassure ourselves that we are really OK after all. “It’s the Gospel,” we say to one another. Evangelicals are identified with a message that no one wants to hear, and so they are disliked. If you don’t believe it, watch what happens when an evangelical leader appears on a talk show. It’s like raw meat to hungry lions, no matter if the evangelical in question is rude or wonderful. (I have seen some of the nicest evangelicals torn limb from limb in these settings including liberals who gave away the store.)

I would never argue with the basic premise of this observation. I have seen its truth too many times. They crucified Jesus. Enough said. But as true as this is, it is too simplistic to explain the increasing level of general despising of evangelicals in our society. It explains one thing, but it does not explain many other things. It actually may tend to blind us to our own behaviors. Like the residents of Jerusalem who were convinced their city could not fall because the temple was there, evangelicals may explain this dislike as reaction to the Gospel and then be blind to those things- in addition to the Gospel- that create legitimate animosity.

The third reaction is the guilty knowledge that evangelicals really are, very often, easy to dislike for many obvious reasons. Many evangelicals know exactly what the survey is registering, because they feel the same way themselves. We’ve all observed, in others and in ourselves, distinctively evangelical vices, hypocrisies and failures. We hoped that our good points would make up for these problems, but that was another self-deception.

It is easy to say that people’s dislike of Christians is the dislike of the Christian message, but that simply doesn’t hold up in the real world. It may be true of the Christian you don’t know, but the Christians you do know have it in their power to either make it easy or difficult for you to dislike them. For example, the Christian in your car pool may believe what others refuse to believe, but his life provides a powerful antidote to any prejudice against him. Thousands of missionaries have been opposed for simply being Christians. But hundreds of thousands have lived lives that adorned the Gospel with attractive, winsome and loving behavior. A past president of our school was revered by Muslims during and after 6 years of Peace Corps service in Iran, years where he talked about the Gospel to Muslims every day and saw many trust Christ. The fact that the Gospel has penetrated into many hostile environments is evidence of the power of the Holy Spirit, but it is also evidence that one way the Spirit works is by making Christians a display of the fruits of love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control.

We are loathed, caricatured, avoided and disliked because we often deserve it. There, I said it and I’m glad I did.

Here’s my list of why evangelicals are among the most disliked persons in America.

1. Christians endorse a high standard of conduct for others, and then largely excuse themselves from a serious pursuit of such a life. Jesus is the most admired person in history, but evangelicals are far more likely to devise ways for Jesus to be like us than for us to be like Jesus.

If it hasn’t struck you lately that you do the very thing you condemn others for doing, (Romans 2:1) urge others to do what you don’t do or excuse in yourself what you require in others, then you probably don’t get this article at all.

Did it irritate you when your dad said “Do as I say, not as I do.”? Then you get the picture.

2. Evangelical Christian piety in America is mostly public. Whether it’s our entertainment-saturated “worship” services, our celebrity cults or our mad obsession with worldly success, we love for others to see what “God is doing in our lives.” Of course, Jesus had plenty to say about this, and the essence of it is that when your piety is public, then there is almost certainly a lack of serious, life-transforming, private obedience and discipleship.

I have lately been strongly convicted by J.C. Ryle’s little book, “A Call To Prayer.” Ryle makes a devastating case for the obvious absence of the discipline of private prayer among Christians. What would Ryle say today? Does our public manner grow out of a true inward experience of private prayer? You see what I am talking about. If its public, we do it well. If it’s private discipleship, we probably don’t do it at all.

3. Many evangelicals relate to others with an obvious- or thinly disguised- hidden agenda. In other words, those who work with us or go to school with is feel that we are always “up to” something. You mean, they know we want to convert them? Apparently. Ever been yelled at for saying “I’ll pray for you.”? Maybe there was a reason.

You know that feeling you get when a telemarketer interrupts your dinner? I get that feeling sometime when my Pentecostal/Charismatic friends are trying to persuade me into their camp. It’s not that I don’t know they are good, decent, law abiding people who like me. I just want them to quit treating me as a target or a project and start treating me as a person who is free to be myself AND different from them.

This same feeling is prevalent among those who dislike evangelical Christians. They are annoyed and sometimes angered that we are following some divine directive to get them to abandon their life choices and take up ours. They want to be loved as they are, not for what they might become if our plan succeeds.

Evangelicals have done a lot of good work on how to present the Gospel, but much of that work has operated on initial premises that are irritating and offensive. I have taken my share of evangelism courses, and there is a great blind spot on how to be an evangelist without being annoying and pushy. We somehow think that the Holy Spirit takes care of that aspect of evangelism! Thank God for men like Francis Schaefer and Jerome Barrs who have done much to model evangelism that majors of maintaining the utmost respect towards those we evangelize.

4. We seem consumed with establishing that we are somehow “better” than other people, when the opposite is very often true. Many evangelicals are bizarrely shallow and legalistic about minute matters. We are frequently psychologically unsound, psychiatrically medicated, filled with bitterness and anger, tormented by conflicts and, frankly, unpleasant to have around.

I have an atheistic acquaintance who never misses an opportunity to post a news story about a morally compromised minister. Is he just being mean? No; he is pointing out the obvious mess that is the inner life and outward behavior of many evangelicals, truths we like to avoid or explain as “attacks of the enemy.” Our families are broken, our marriages fail and our children are remarkably worldly and messed up. Yet, we boldly tell the world that we have the answer for all their ills! How many churches proclaim that a sojourn with them will fix that marriage and those kids? Do we really have the abundant life down at the church, ready to be dispensed in a five week class?

We are not as healthy and happy as we portray ourselves. The realities of broken marriages among the Christian celebrity set underlines the inability of evangelicals to face up to their own brokenness. Was there some reason that Sandi Patti and Amy Grant were supposed to be immune from failed marriages? Why did their divorces make them pariahs in evangelicalism? The fact is that most evangelicals are in deep denial about what depravity and sinfulness really means. The world may have similar denial problems, but I don’t think they can approach us for the spiritual veneer. The crowd at the local tavern may have issues, but they frequently beat Christians by miles in the realistic humanity department. Maybe they should pity us, but the fact is that, as the situation becomes more obvious, they don’t like us.

5. We talk about God in ways that are too familiar and make people uncomfortable. Evangelicals constantly talk about a “personal relationship ” with God. Many evangelicals talk as if God is talking to them and leading them by the hand through life in a way only the initiated can understand. Christian testimonies may give a God-honoring window into the realities of Christian experience, or it may sound like a psychological ploy to promote self importance.

Evangelicals have yet to come to grips with their tendency to make God into a commodity. The world is far more savvy about how God is “used” to achieve personal or group ends than most evangelicals admit. Evangelicals may deny that they have made God into a political, financial or cultural commodity, but the world knows better. How does an unbeliever hear the use of Jesus to endorse automobiles, political positions or products?

In my ministry, I have observed how difficult it is to evangelize Buddhists. One of the reasons is that the Buddhist assumes that if you are serious about your religious experience, you will become a monk! When he sees American Christians talking about a relationship with God, yet does not see a corresponding impact upon the whole of life, he assumes that this religion is simply an expression of culture or group values. Now we may critique such a response as not understanding certain basic facts about the Gospel, but we also have to acknowledge the truth observed! Rather than being people who are deeply changed, we are people who tend to use God to change others or our world to suit ourselves.

6. Evangelicals are too slow to separate themselves from what is wrong. Because ours is a moral religion, and we frequently advertise our certainty in moral matters, it seems bizarrely hypocritical when that moral sense is applied so inconsistently.

I note that my evangelical friends are particularly resistant to this matter, but the current Trent Lott affair makes the point plainly. Lott says that he now repudiates any allegiance to segregation or the symbols of segregation. Suddenly, he sees the good sense in a number of things he has opposed. But bizarrely, Lott stands behind his evangelical Christianity as the explanation for his sudden conversion.

Watching this spectacle, there are many reactions, but what interests me is how Lott’s Christianity only seems to apply now that he is being dangled over political hell. Where was all this moral sense in the 1960’s? Where was it ten years ago? Why does it appear that Lott is using his religion at his convenience? It’s not my place to judge what is going on between Lott and his God, but his apparent pragmatism in these matters is familiar to many people observing evangelicals on a daily basis.

Most evangelicals are not the moral cutting edge of contemporary social issues. Despite the evangelical conscience on issues like abortion, it is clear to many that we no longer have the cutting edge moral sense of a Martin Luther King, Jr. or a William Wilberforce. Evangelicals are largely annoyed at people who tell them to do the right thing if it doesn’t enhance their resume, their wallet, their family or their emotions.

What is odd about this is that many of those who dislike evangelicals have the idea that we want to impose our morality upon an entire culture. Fear-mongering liberals often talk about the Bush administration as populated by fundamentalist Christian Taliban poised to bring about a Christian theocracy. I wonder if they have noticed that President Bush- an evangelical right down to his boots- is practicing religious tolerance over the loud objections of evangelical leaders like Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell?

7. We take ourselves far too seriously, and come off as opposed to normal life. Is it such a bid deal that Christians are offended at so many things others consider funny? I’ll admit, it is a small thing, but it is one of the reasons ordinary people don’t like us.

I read an incident written by a preacher to an internet list I monitor. He told about taking his youth group on an outing, when the students began singing a popular country song about a guy who leaves his wife to pursue his fishing hobby. It’s a hilarious song. But this fellow’s reaction was predictable. He asked them to not a song about a marriage that breaks up, and to instead sing something that honored God. I routinely hear students ridiculing a fellow teacher who labels much of what students find funny as “of the devil.”

These incidents show something that evangelicals need to admit. We are frequently unable to see humor, absurdity, and the honest reasons for humans to laugh at themselves. What very normal, very healthy people find laughable, we find threatening and often label with the ridiculous label of “the devil.”

The message here isn’t just that we are humorless or Puritanical. The message is that being human or being real is somehow evil. This is one place I can feel exactly what the unbelievers are talking about. When I see Christians trying to rob young people of the right to be normal, ordinary and human, it angers me. I feel threatened. It’s hard to like people who seem to say that God, Jesus and Scripture are the enemies of laughter, sex, growing up and ordinary pleasures. Some Christians sometimes seem to say that everything pleasurable is demonic or to be avoided to show what a good Christian you are. Isn’t it odd that unbelievers are so much more aware of the plain teaching of scripture than we are?

I am sure there is much more to say, but I have ridden this horse far enough. Certainly, unregenerate persons are at enmity with God by nature. And, without a doubt, Christians represent a message that is far from welcome. Christians doing the right thing risk being labeled enemies of society. Much persecution is cruel and evil. But that’s not the point. Christians are disliked for many reasons that have nothing to do with the Gospel, and everything to do with the kind of people we are in the relationships God has given us. The message of salvation won’t earn a standing ovation, but people who believe that message are not given a pass to rejoice when all men hate you…for any reason, including reasons that are totally our own fault.

No doubt someone will write me and say that, to the extent people like us, we have denied the Gospel. Therefore, being despised and hated is proof that you are on the right track. And there is a certain amount of truth to that observation in some situations that Christians may find themselves in. But that is an explanation for how we are treated, not directions on how to make sure we are rejected and hated by most people for reasons having nothing to do with the message of the cross. I hate to say it, but I’ve learned that when a preacher tells me he was fired from his church for “taking a stand for God,” it usually means he was just a jerk.

The scriptures tell us that the early Christians were both persecuted and thought well of for their good lives and good works. What was possible then is still possible now. I’ve seen it and I hope I see more of it…in my life.

this post is taken from internetmonk.com i posted it here because i find that it has voiced many of things i've been feeling, but wasn't able to voice.

-20 dBFS is 80 dB @ 1m 1kHz

2009-03-08T23:11:00.000-07:00

so this post is brought to you by my linux distribution, ubuntu 8.1

so the last few days have been a lot of interning. friday was a string session from early till late. then another string session the next day. then a setup in the evening. then recording the next day. then church and setup again in the afternoon. i thought i had work today from 5-close, but that's tomorrow tues, and wednesday.

then i leave for seattle! thursday. my cousin lives in FL so i thought for spring break i'd go and visit her since she came and visited me during the summer. well, she is going to seattle for a visit. invited me to come, and so i am leaving on a jet plane. i'll be back next tuesday.

after working for a long time, it become more and more difficult not to become bitter. i find that some situations are easier to work in than others. for example, this internship is all about good vibes and smiling. it is easier to keep a big picture than at something like OWN. it has a different atmosphere. it has different personalities working there that can make it kind of gritty. it feel more about the business than home studios, obviously.

i do need to finish college. it would be a waste for me to quit right now. almost there....

kick moe ryhmes

2009-03-05T12:30:00.000-08:00

so the resolution to the job thing.

i get my job back at OWN cause they don't really care about what happens on campus. so i'll pick up hours starting on saturday. God is good.

here's my idea for awesome money. make a spoon that acts kind of like a rubber scraper, so you can get the bottom of bowls of cereal. make it out of silicone or something. millions, right there.

next week i start running at pt. i'm excited.

if everything works out, i'm going to seattle for spring break with my cousin and her friends! exciting!

my mom worries way too much.

hey, those herald angles are singing again

2009-03-02T13:13:00.000-08:00

humble pie is a bitter pie that is not good hot or cold and leaves a taste in your mouth for a long time.

you spin me right around

2009-03-01T18:21:00.000-08:00

all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others

my batch of humble pie came in school this week.

i got suspended from my job at least until spring break. i also need to write 6 apology letters.

some things that i've learned through this. one, trust is more important than money. two, people who are held to high expectations are bound to fail more often. three, it's when that person falls that i begin to understand their character.

although i was held in high esteem, i did not see myself as any different than those around me and did not hold my actions any higher. i saw myself as someone who is no more talented, or responsible than those around me. so when shit hit the fan, it was hard for me to understand why i was getting so much shit. i didn't realize that there are different expectations for those who have grown in trust.

my position was grown out my attitude, hard work, and trust. well, trust has been shattered.

i don't know what this means for after college. i was kind of hoping to find some kind of work with OWN or something through them, but i think that this isn't going to happen anymore. i must now rely on other things that i have done to get me to move farther in this career.

i want to put this behind me and focus on future work, but i know that it isn't very realistic to hope for that. i must pay for my errors.

this is one of those time where it is really hard for me to believe that God has a plan for all of this, cause i can't really see much good coming from this except that i've learned that i'm an asshole.

there was another thing that had me going. let me explain.

so on friday, (when i got suspended)
we had to turn in a midterm project of a mic pre that we had built. he had this rubric of things like does it work? does it work correctly? etc.
anyway, the last one was - 'is clark an asshole? yes no' and he circled yes. that was before he knew about me getting suspended.

that combined with me getting suspended made me reflect on my attitude towards others. i can't honestly say that i'm not an asshole.

so all of this is to let you know that i've realized more about how people see me. so i want to apologize to you if i've met you. sorry.

1st song

2009-02-26T17:21:00.000-08:00

got my TN drivers licence today. someday, i might actually live here...

went to a Rugby practice today. i would probably enjoy it if i was 100%. it would make me think in a crisis and get used to getting hit. (w/o pads)

i'm going to keep asking myself what i want to be when i grow up until i die. it will contribute to my happiness.

semi-burned my first thing cooking today. i needed to butter a pan, and i decided to try to use the butter that was already in the banana. well, banana has a lot of sugar. it burned. so i burned the pan, but i cleaned it up and my roommates don't know.

i got safety lights for my bike! fun? i'm enjoying it.

shout out to my mom. you made my first song!

DVD video

2009-02-24T13:50:00.000-08:00

I would like to take this time to call for investigations into war crimes by the Bush Administration. They should be held accountable to the Geneva Convention and should be prosecuted accordingly.

Dissent is patriotic. It shows you care.

welcome to the united selfish slaves

2009-02-20T23:04:00.000-08:00

hi,
welcome to the united selfish slaves
here, power is our God
and money is the theif

here we are thieves and slaves to our dream
these ideas have been imported from our ancient european ancestors,

now please bow to the fat and lazy
as they make the way out to be rough and hazy. each of them knows that they need more money under their feet. but they all have been robbed from.

when was the last time you supported a crackhead? it was the last time you paid your taxes. for the first 3 months of the year, you worked for that man on the corner who believes that social security is his right. you supported the government's money habit, so does that make you a crack head?

all you revolutionists, the I ain't gonna work for the man hippies, just wait until you see no food in your fridge, and i won't be able to count how fast you jump when the supervisor says, K, break's over. get back at it.

the dollar is sacred. power is god. 99% of questions have a root in desire to become rich.

i rot your teeth

2009-02-19T22:24:00.000-08:00

good evening everybody,

i just got paid to download somebody's album. it was only a dollar, but i did listen to it.

I got my phone to show me blocked phone calls.

until intelligent design is published in science journals such as Nature, or Science, it does not deserve to be treated to scientific debates in colleges and universities as if it is an alternative to evolution.

What ever happened to the Arab scientific community? Why are Arab government armies so easily defeated?

Home studios are not commercial studios. There is a difference in the quality of material that come out of them. There is not the same dedication from everyone involved. In a commercial studio, you have someone who is doing the room design, tech work, an accountant, a studio manager, client services, etc. In a home studio, one engineer is responsible for all of that. It works when they are doing non-critical elements of recording.

leaving the chase

2009-02-18T14:11:00.000-08:00

in my always on internet connection, which has been upgraded to a linksys router with opensource firmware (which i'm very excited to start exploring), i stumbled upon this:

Love v. Infatuation pt. I

Infatuation is instant desire,
one set of glands calling to another.

Love is friendship that has caught fire.
It takes root and grows,
one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity.
You are excited and eager,but not genuinely happy.
There are nagging doubts,unanswered questions,
little bits pieces about your beloved
that you would just as soon examine too closely.
It might spoil the dream.

Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection.
It is real.It gives you strength and grows beyond you,to bolster your beloved.
You are warmed by his presence,even when he is away.
Miles do not separate you. You want him near.But near or far,
you know he is yours and you can wait.

Infatuation says,"We must get married right away.
I can't risk losing him."

Love says, "Be patient.He is yours. Plan your future with confidence."

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are in one another's company you are hoping it will end in intimacy.

Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When he's away, you wonder if he's cheating.
Sometimes you check.

Love means trust. You are calm, secure, and unthreatened. He feels your trust and it makes him even more trustworthy.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you'll regret later, but love never will.

Love lifts you up.It makes you look up.It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before.

she was not only fine, she was into mic 9s

2009-02-16T20:15:00.001-08:00

The subject of this post is here. Color photos of WWII, rare!

Adolf Hitler. These words, depending on your education system might or might not provoke certain images. (Think SE Asia)

but think about the power that this man had. he fought a World War! he had the mindset to organize and instill the beliefs into millions of people. His technology was ahead of anything in the world at the time. His society was superior to all civilizations at that time. His multi-faceted approach to war by one man has not been surpassed during this era. Time magazine gets a lot of slack about calling him the person of the year, but if you objectively think about it, he honestly deserved it. Hitler understood society and human kind, but he didn't stop there. He used it to become the best he could be. That's all we ask of our kids, right?

Phone Books

2009-02-15T09:29:00.000-08:00

when was the last time you used a phone book?

NEVAR.

and they aren't useful to burn, cause the pages all fly away when they are on fire. which i enjoy, but it makes other people nervous. Bitches.

if everyone seems to go to college, what do you do with the stupid people when they get there? especially for money grubbing schools? what majors should we invent for dumb people? enough so that there are legit majors that have academic rigor to them, like the sciences. it's a tough question. maybe we can make athletics a major, which would be 'inventive' and draw a lot of dumbasses.

i need some new leads for music. please recommend no more than 2.492 bands.

5 bands i enjoy
1. Gnarls Barkley
2. Beck
3. Pigeon John
4. RHCP
5. Bill Withers

forever burn, my left hand

2009-02-12T20:01:00.000-08:00

writers block.

just kidding, i can't have writers block. what i have is a lack of writers attack.

here are some ways that i keep from avoiding writers block

1- i'm not writing something that has to be logical.
1.1 - is there a style of lit that is illogical? kind of like some sort of modern music. that is to say, it follows its own set of rules. like 12 tone music
1.2 - what if i did start writing something illogical? most of my posts are logical. i said MOST.
1.2.1 - is some of my humor illogical?
1.2.1.1- well, i thought about humor. and now logic. all with whipped cream in the fridge.
127.168.1.1 i'm almost home
2. i get outside. this post was originally going to be a rant about bushes in fences.
3. i have opinions that i state as fact. I'm better than you, cause i dominate. notice how i have reasoning for my facts.
4. many of my post titles are snippets of songs. cause i really don't like to read. but i'm good at it. right?....
5. i beg my audience. this is also know as a space filler. that's why you don't read my blog.
6. i pump up my audience. YOU ARE GREAT AMERICANS. if you aren't americans, you could have fooled me

bush in the fence. why do you grow there? did all of your cousins get smoked by my awesome lawn mowing skills? do you feel the need to sprout your wild seed in the metal fence and then bend it into shapes that aren't conducive to reselling? well, let me tell you, i don't like it. and my ring finger is in great pain. FUNKY.

to all my pipe smoking rabbits

2009-02-07T19:26:00.000-08:00

i have decided there are other things in the world to worry about than the morality of humor.

for example, what i am going to do after college? that is a great question. and more important.

who likes bunnies? do you? well, we can pretend like you do. cause i have a story to tell, but i'm still learning how to deliver stories so they are entertaining.

okay, i lived in iowa growing up. lots of wild forest creatures. like squirrels and bunnies and sparrows. ferocious squirrels bunnies and sparrows. vengeful and spiteful and hateful and full of death and destruction squirrels bunnies and sparrows.

so it was spring time. and all the bunnies had little baby bunnies. well, one day it was our chore to sweep out the garage because we were annoying my parents. well, my mom came out to help us out cause i think she felt sorry for us. and this baby bunny wanted to get in the garage. well, my mom isn't going to have any of this. she grabs a broom, and chases the bunny around the garage, but if you know anything about ferocious bunnies, they are QUICK. finally, my mom finally cornered the bunny, and gave it a swat out of the garage. and this cute, baby bunny gave the most human cry i have ever heard from an animal that isn't my brother.

it scarred my sister for several months.

btw, i used to mow the lawn, and there was a bunny hole with bunnies. i killed the bunnies.

BUNNIES!!!

5 things that bunnies are good for:

1. getting swatted by my mom's broom
2. getting mowed over
3. getting hit by a car
4. getting eaten by an eagle
5. getting 5lbs of meat on the Oregon Trail

oooo! can it be? time for MIND BLOWING

2009-01-28T21:29:00.000-08:00

i bring you new things every day. i work and slave and try really, really hard not to be funny. and i usually spend my first sentence to a paragraph about nothing except light things. the first time i realized this was when Bubs and Krater interviewed me about corrective discrimination. i enjoy that phrasing because is less politically correct and seems a little more descriptive of the situation. Anyway, they would ask me a question, and then I would just kind of spout off silly answer to the question for a while and then I would actually dig into the issue. they said it was really hard for the class to take my the rest of replies seriously after i would crack some sort of simpleton joke.

what did i plant on the internet to hyperlink to today? THIS

Do not do to others what you would not want them to do to you.
In all things, strive to cause no harm.
Treat your fellow human beings, your fellow living things, and the world in general with love, honesty, faithfulness and respect.
Do not overlook evil or shrink from administering justice, but always be ready to forgive wrongdoing freely admitted and honestly regretted.
Live life with a sense of joy and wonder.
Always seek to be learning something new.
Test all things; always check your ideas against the facts, and be ready to discard even a cherished belief if it does not conform to them.
Never seek to censor or cut yourself off from dissent; always respect the right of others to disagree with you.
Form independent opinions on the basis of your own reason and experience; do not allow yourself to be led blindly by others.
Question everything.

A new 10 commandments for aethists. My first thought is this quite a nice list. I can't really argue against any of these commandments without bringing a faith element into it. but what do i really know?

i shall be adapting these into what i try to live out.

5 things from yi-ting
there are only 4 pro baseball teams in tawian
6 basketball teams
she doesn't like to dance, but likes to sing karokee. or maybe flip that. i can't remember
she lives in an apartment
there are only 7 levels to her apartment.

I Hate Texas and You Can Two

2009-01-28T21:23:00.000-08:00

it's part 3hree time.

I bring you Texas and it's love of the police and injustice.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BROUGHT ME THREE OF THEM!

this can also be contributed to my dissent of the police. do i have problems with authority? yes i do. will i ever be able to get a real job without regretting it? no. do i want to have a contest with somebody as to who can get fired first from Wal-mart? yes.

comment moderation

2009-01-28T20:09:00.000-08:00

if you want to you can come eat my ice cream. cause it's the only thing that is going to make you feel better right now.

1st up: is humor immoral?

now if you have had facebook or twitter, you have consequently heard my questioning. it is a very interesting question. the article that sparked this thought can be found here. so, what do you think? where does humor originate? is it the incongruity of nature and the world around us? or does it derive from our perception of superiority?

well, if it does come from a superiority, how does a Christian integrate this into their living style? well, first off, it's not a very popular opinion to hold. (humor is immoral) the article argues that humor originated in the African jungle as an alternative to violence. We can all agree that an human instinct is to be better than the competition. So if a man is looking for a sexual partner to advance is genome, he has to be better.

One option is violence. He can champion himself through violence. There are several consequences for this route. It takes a lot of energy to become stronger and bigger than the competition. Also, there is a lot of risk in this position.

Another option is verbal. Here, the man makes his claims for dominance by boasting that he is the biggest baddest mofo. Another verbal option is to make the competition look foolish by pointing out their mistakes or short comings. Humor.

Dr. Charles Gruner of The University of Georgia believes that superiority is the root of humor.

A question that this raises in my mind is are we all equal? That is much a question about America as it is about Christianity.

Can God then be funny? yes, because that is what makes him God. is he superior.

What if we leave Christianity behind and only discuss this in terms of a social context?

These are some of the questions that I am wrestling with right now. Along with: can I even be funny anymore and still see people/myself in the former as equal?

punch your own bread dough. it makes life better.

2009-01-22T22:02:00.000-08:00

i'm going to start a segment in my blog called:

"I hate Texas and you can too."

catchy, i know.

the premise of this new segment is that I hate Texas. And you can too in 3 easy steps.

1. read my awesome blog. love it. live it. make it be your knife at a steak dinner. let it be your tent when you are camping. put it on the stove and cook with it. put it on your face so that other people will see you smile. that is step one.

1.01 jk

2. click on the links i provide. i don't do this for your health. i do this cause it makes me feel better about myself. look what i can do. i can hyperlink to another article. i just had facial reconstruction surgery and the only job i could find was filling up this awesome blog with hyperlinks. step 2 involves guilt and pity

3. read the headline, LOLz, then read the article. again, LOLz. then bring out that little pot of hate that you put your english assignments in, and laddle some of it out into laboratory approved containers because it is highly reactive with love. step 3 is time and labor intensive. middle aged men should not attempt while investing in the 'tank' market. get it? get it? i made a funny.

and there you have it. you now are on your way to hating texas. so now i have a few practice rounds for you.

THE FIRST ONE!!!!

THE SECOND ONE!!!!! i added more explanation points so that it would still be as potent as the first set of e-points, but i won't let you overdose.

(the only person from texas i don't hate is Claly Day)

schedule your outages

2009-01-21T21:46:00.000-08:00

just a fewer updates.

knee is getting better, but i'm still not running. i probably need to get back on my bike. so please watch out for me as you drive. AND as you get out of your car. if you open your car door into a bike lane, there isn't much room for me to go except straight into your door.

i have no classes on tue/thur. looking for something to do.

i'm 23 now.

gravity gets me down.

streaming clips

2009-01-16T21:01:00.000-08:00

my extremely deprived friends, it could be that time of year that i delight your life with the glances i give to you.

what hurts you? i know, well, at least Santa does.

this is just going to be rambling, kinda like a warm up before a slam dunk.

i find that my mouth really enjoys having something to chew on. is that why gum sells so well? because we have become slaves to our mouths? or minds?

hey birds, i didn't fly up to your house, eat some nasty brown seedy stuff, and then crap on your wings. so why are you pooping my car? completely not cool. and what was with the PTA meeting on my front lawn the other day? do you know that my roommates were thoroughly freaked out. i tired to cover for your feather asses, but the best story i could come up with was that there were two big birds, one on each half of our lawn. you know that shit flew about as well as yours does. don't make me do that again.

hey people in charge of the metro school systems here in middle TN, why the hell did you close down schools today? did you want that 4 day weekend as bad as i did? i thought so. you schedule one snow day in a year, and you know that it isn't going to happen here in the SOUTH. so when it gets a little cold, about as cold as a chilly day in march where i come from, you decided that it was a prime opportunity to get a C-C-Combo. nice move, but you official went into my permanently hate book. right there with texas.

dear reader, i hope you are enjoying my destruction of the english gramatical structure.

to blue jean makers, hi, how are you? well, if you wanted to know, i would be doing really well if i could find a pair of jeans that would fit me. and i'm not pissed about the lack of styles or the way i have to dig through every pie of jeans from here to the ceiling in JC Pennys of the jeans against the wall that look like some amish fashion designer said, hey, there looks like a real pair of durable jeans that will sell really well for those who have no other options. i understand that there aren't many people that request 33x36 jeans, but when you do make those jeans, please take some time to understand that the people who are buying these will permently be your customers because no one else is cutting jeans like that. GIVE ME SOME STYLE!!! i would love to have a nice, dressy, dark pair of jeans.

okay, so i feel a little more warmed up.

here is one of my scares right now. mixing. mixing audio. and why do i say that? cause i'm not really all that practiced right now. i have very little experience with it, and i don't know how to get a mix that everyone likes. i feel that everyone has something completely new they want to do, and they don't tell me about it until after i give it to them. and then i have insecurity issues with my skills. maybe the don't know what they want, and it's not my fault. i've not gotten a lot of favorable feedback. i wish that i could work with someone who knows what they want and can communicate that. usually after a session, i have no direction and no feedback and then a couple days later i am completely lost. i want more talking. i don't care if it's indecisive, cause at least that gets the ball rolling. but just so you know, it's not going to be the end of it.

those angels are singing again

2008-12-16T19:56:00.001-08:00

i feel like if i don't write down my ideas in this blog, that they didn't really happen. that i didn't do the reading, process it, make opinions and subsequently want to share what i have learned.

my first one is this.

1st, i think it is an interesting, deconstructionist view of a solider. you want me to honor the solider and applaud his service to his country. but i can't. because he willingly signed up to be a part of the war. you can not tell me at this point in time that a solider doesn't know what is going on. they are not defending freedom of America, or spreading democracy. we've known for at least a good year that it has all been fucked up. instead what enrollment in the military has become the bad guy in the situation. they are the ones who are still murdering civilians, but we don't know how many because there is no official count. have we murdered more people than Sadam Hussein? Yes. Sadamm H deaths US deaths i really don't care what you reasons for or against the war are. all must agree that war/killing is wrong.

my second one is this

no, not that the smartest man in the world is gay. although it does make for a good title. i found what he said about relationships to be very revealing. it's on the second page. i really like this line 'relationships require heroism on the part of both people'. you can read more on your own. that's all.

oh, and scotty is looking for someone to eat late night nachos before he leaves. holla.

1000

2008-12-16T18:08:00.000-08:00

today is share an awesome link with someone you could care less about day. here ya go

link

5 animals i like

kitties
horses
tortoises
dogs
bookworms

happy secular festivities

2008-12-14T15:34:00.000-08:00

so tonight's subject brings together 5.37 years of college.

who feels like college is a little too easy?

i remember when i first attended college, i was expecting to spend about 20 a week studying. i remember hearing stories from my teachers about how many hours they spent.

what a joke. the only semester of college that is comparable to the high school studies was my freshman year in college. hard to believe, but i was a chem/bio major for a year cause i enjoyed that kind of stuff. still do. anyway, my almost 5 years in college has been some easy-pass to a better tax bracket. my GPA in college better than my GPA in high school. but i bet that i would do worse on an ACT test. it kind of disgusts me.

so what is college? well, for one it is learning how to meet prof's teaching styles. you have to learn how to study for their tests and write papers that say what they want them to say. for many, including myself, it wasn't learning how to figure out problems on your own. instead we asked the prof. it wasn't critical thinking, it was doing research and then copying their ideas down. it wasn't creative, it was calculating. i want my money back. i really think to be happy with my college experience, i need to go to grad school

if i was able to do it differently, i would have stayed at NWC and majored in ecology or botany.

if i ever teach a class, the first test that they take will be an essay test. here's the question.

water. discuss.

i ain't never gonna

2008-12-12T22:33:00.000-08:00

nope, not rick ashley. you bummed?
i had the knee surgery today and got great drugs in a gift basket. how nice!

so it's late and i'm loopy, this should be one of the most mind blowing-posts EVAR!

however, i find that a lot of my introspection comes from being upset or frustrated with something/one. tragedy is one of the greatest sellers. a story doesn't connect with an audience unless there is antagonist. maybe some modern work doesn't follow that model, but it makes up such a small part of the total collective work. even heaven has an antagonist.

i kinda want to do some of those dumb facebook notes get forwarded to you by the odd friend (usually a girl):

think these things are dumb...but I thought I'd give it a shot. It's actually pretty funny sometimes.

1.Put your iPod or iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the note as well as the person you got the note from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Seven Seas of Rhye

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
November Has Come

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Community Service - true

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Alone Down There - (ooooo!

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Deepspace 5oul

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
One Thing - (hmmm, interesting

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Never Surrender -( aka domination

WHAT IS 2+2?
Hero

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Hypnotized

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Rumba/Boler0

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Interplanet Janet (yes, yes it is

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Cataclysmic Circles ... World Is Round

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
When Everything Falls (nice

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Born (haha

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
The End (ominous

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Can't Take God Away (okay

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Money Song (haha

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Ban Marriage (kind of honest

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Let Me Live (true

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Alone (interesting about the human condition to want social interaction but yet have such a terrible group mentality

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
First In Flight (fun

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Original Species

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
TakeThe Wheel (not Carrie

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Death of a Martian (it would

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Ain't No Sunshine (again...

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Starry Eyed Surprise (right, a surprise baby would scare me

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Forfeit

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Sum Of Us

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Red Morning Light

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Fly

one things that was triggered as i was filling this out was how my view of marriage has changed. 3 years ago, i was seriously considering marriage. I had found a girl that I loved, and considered tying the knot. man, how my life would have been so different. i would have lived off campus. there goes about 90% of the friends from campus. I would have been working a lot more at a different job. i wouldn't have been able to survive on 6.75 at 20 hours a week. she was interested in being a nanny. we broke up because she was interested in someone else and i was moving to nashville. i wonder if i would be as happy as i am now.

now, marriage is even questionable. do i want to even get married? i just look at all the broken marriages in the music industry because music is their first love. and right now, it is mine too. i don't have the money, and i'm not financially secure.

i have also thought about what if we made everyone's marriage illegal. it kinda goes along with this story by Jon Stewart. i would really recommend viewing the whole thing. it kinda has changed my viewpoint.

i would also say that I am happy with my life right now. I have everything that I need. (Working on the wants (haha)) My future looks good. I'm in good health. I'm surrounded by people that I love and that love me. it's good.

encore

2008-12-10T21:26:00.000-08:00

modern music makes me angry.

modern, classical music makes me want to punch something. especially things like babbit, or crumb. Henry Nyquist has his famous theorem, and so that makes him an expert in audio things, maybe. he has this theory that because of digital music's limits of sampling frequency, it causes people to become angry.

no, i think it is modern classical music. it's not that i don't get serialism, or atonality, or twelve tone music. i've studied it and understand how it works and solved the twelve tone tables. these people were insane. 1st, it is odd that music is considered an art form considering how many rules and structures it must conform to. it is better suited to it's old classification of a math. but these composers wanted to be different and original. so instead of just breaking rules, they made up new ones. different ones, original ones. and made some of the most disgusting music on the face of the earth. they weren't inspired, there was very little external inspiration in their writings. instead, they drew upon their own ideas. they were modern.

so bring back music that connects with the human emotion. bring back music that touches souls. bring back a heart. don't ban what was created, for it was and will always now be. but do what is right for my little robot heart.

post script: this was the first picture i clicked on.

post post script: i really like one of the comments about the crumb piece. can you guess which one?

post^3 script: 2 finals left.

idle

2008-12-09T21:35:00.000-08:00

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.

~ Ellen Goodman

i think it is time to withdraw my money from Bank of America. Here's why.

knee surgery got bumped up to Friday at 7:30am. Oh, it's going to be a glorious weekend of drugs! to be pain free. who's excited? i know i am.

finals are done on Thursday at 2:10pm. See you then.

moderate

2008-12-08T17:27:00.000-08:00

2021:
a small group of rogue Americans hijack an airplane and fly it into the Burg Al-Arab, in Dubai. The United Arab Emirates spend the next 8 years invading Canada and toturing it's citizens, eventually leaving over 80.000 dead.

Oops, that's not funny.

do you want to see a show in my basement?

2008-12-05T20:02:00.000-08:00

hahahah

today's topic of greatness, cause that's all i give you, is my thoughts on christian interaction.

i'm a pretty guy (add 'easy-going' between what ever words you choose). not a whole lot gets my ducks out a row. of course, i do a lot of wrestling with the day to make it the best day i've ever had, but you don't know that.

anyway, i silently boil away as i see people be nice to each other and the only thing that holds them back is Christianity. so you aren't a nice person. i don't care. be rude, biting, mean, tell them to fuck off, because God already sees you for the heartless stuck up-wad that you are, and second because i probably want to tell you to do shove your head in a pile of thistle based shit.

i write this because i really feel the need to tell people off. so it's a self-criticism. i'm working on changing that. i will start begin to tell people when they are uncontrollably stupid.

another thought for the day. college. it is the one place that everyone is the same age, deals with the same problems, has some of the same goals. it is the one place we loose touch with the outside world. we don't have to interact with those older or younger than us and cope with it. aka a work environment. we are bubbled into ideas of similarity. i remember in high school that i wanted to try really hard to stay in touch with my younger ideas. that is really hard to do in college. and i hear some people say that they don't like kids or some other bullshit like that. WTF!!! did you just pop out as a 20 something hipster? i want to do some slapping!

who likes 70's funk and r&B music? cause i would like to expand my non-drug induced haze of music some. give some names of artists and i will give a gold sticker. k? k.

i have a version of pro tools, the academic version, and it is less capable than other versions. doesn't the word academic have the conotation of being greater than average? like academic research, or an academic study? versus like business or personal? oh digi-design, how i hate thine gutz.

get out of my studio!

2008-12-02T17:43:00.000-08:00

not original, but you don't care

A College Version of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last minute knowledge.

Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
danced in their heads.

Out in the taverns,
A few were still drinking,
And hoping that liquor
would loosen up their thinking.

In my own apartment,
I had been pacing,
And dreading exams
I soon would be facing.

My roommate was speechless,
His nose in his books,
And my comments to him
Drew unfriendly looks.

I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring
That my nerves were shot.

I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were muddy,
My eyes went ablur,
I just couldn't study.

"Some pizza might help,"
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Refused to deliver.

I'd nearly concluded
That life was too cruel,
With futures depending
On grades had in school.

When all of a sudden,
Our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put It Off
Ambled inside.

Her spirit was careless,
Her manner was mellow,
She started to bellow:

"What kind of student
Would make such a fuss,
To toss back at teachers
What they tossed at us?"

"On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes!
On Last Year's Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit,
And Last Minute Crams!"

Her message delivered,
She vanished from sight,
But we heard her laughing
Outside in the night.

"Your teachers have pegged you,
So just do your best.
Happy Finals to All,
And to All, a good test."

half ton of TNT

2008-11-30T21:10:00.000-08:00

i am extremely tired of school. I want to be done. It wants to take all my efforts, and I'm sick of it taking all my time. If it wasn't for school, I could do more things that I enjoy. I do not enjoy school. Well, make that piano. I feel pulled in so many directions. Two different schools and education objectives. A couple of different jobs. and there are social responsibilities. I am so angry at school. School school, please go away. Never come again. and then go even farther away.

i bought a new vacuum

2008-11-29T11:59:00.000-08:00

no, cause i don't have any carpet in my house. that would be silly, gosh.

but think about this, why are we busy all the time? why do we always have something to do, somewhere to be, another thing to strike off our list?

bills, maybe.

let me put this forth. it is because we don't know how to be bored, or fill a vacuum of time. typically, sunday afternoons are a lull in the work week. we don't have the business of the week to keep our minds away from our lack of imagination. and so what do we do? we find something: naps, homework, reading my blog. instead, maybe try using your imagination.

if you are looking for a good book over a break, check out Man's Search For Meaning by Viktore Frankl. it's a view of a man who survived the concentration camps. he is a psychologist in logotherapy. very interesting views and commentary.

also, if you ever read back in school; 'The Giver' by Lois Lowery, it is now a trilogy. eat it up.

5 childhood books i can remember

3 little pigs, extended version
The big red barn
Ranger Don
a cloth book of nursery rhymes
The Boxcar children

hahaha, it's sooo funny

2008-11-28T22:21:00.000-08:00

yah, everyone likes it. i mean, that's what i have striven for. and so have millions of other people. when i got up this morning, it put a smile on my face. cause i knew that i was doing it. just like you.

we are working for the man.

what? i thought we just finished some hipster semi-intellectual institution that really, you know, just opened our minds. we saw what everyone one else before had done, and we weren't going to let that happen to us.

but

we were too lazy. man, that first year out of college was hard. we needed to find a place to call home outside of the dorm room that i shared a bathroom with 3 other people. my meals had always been prepared in the caf. now we look forward to going to the caf because we have no idea how to cook something other than ramen. and man, i am so happy that they came out with a lighter color of brown salt to put in those flavor packets, cause i knew one day i was going to be done with beef flavor.

then i met this really awesome girl, and i couldn't think with anything other than my crotch and now i'm looking for health insurance. and guess who offers that? the man. man, the man is the man, man. so now i'm at the entry level graveshift so i can eat that other flavor of ramen on my lunchbreak cause i don't have enough money.

point of it all, no one is looking to work for the man, but because we make some bad decisions we are trapped in a cycle that we succumb to in hopes that our children will be able to escape it. so don't spit in disgust at him, he had dreams just like you.

2008-11-27T21:34:00.000-08:00

freedom

i would like to say tonight that knowledge is freedom. along with power, knowledge is the freedom to make a choice. the freedom to say something pertinent. the freedom to be informed. the freedom to know both sides of a argument. the freedom to ignore advice. the freedom to accept council. the freedom to share wisdom.

things are getting better.

anybody know of a recording studio that is looking to pay their interns?
just thought i'd try.

5 favorite things about the internet
you can learn anything
someone is always wrong
the common collective is strong
it is always on
it is free

google life

2008-11-18T19:38:00.000-08:00

Google + Life = Loogle

i could have went with Glife, but that is such a copy. and this sounds like loogy.

anyway, this is super cool. google has teamed up with Life magazine to scan pictures that no on has seen. right now, there are 2 million of them, but when it is finished, there will be 10 million. if you want some cool pictures to look at, i would start here.

say it takes about 3 seconds to look at a picture, that would be 60 million seconds, or 100000 minutes or ~1666.67 hours or ~694.44 days or 1.90132588 years. (years calculation done by google)

tomorrow, i swear

2008-11-16T16:29:00.000-08:00

just a picture for today.

odd that the less time you spend writing something, the less you have to say.

killing buzz like bees

2008-11-10T13:30:00.000-08:00

okay, so your kid wants to be an astronaut. and you're like; hey, my kid(s) are the greatest thing since barack obama. they can do whatever they want. so i decided to post some guidelines on how to prepare your kids for such and awesome career!

step 1: buy a van. it has to be old.

step 2: take the owners manual and translate it into Russian.

step 3: tell your kid the van is a space station. their job is to rotate the tires.

step 4: sink the van in your pool, hand them the manual, and a balloon full of air.

Go Get 'Em, Junior

helter skelter

2008-11-04T19:55:00.000-08:00

everybody to the election!

so what are the intertubes going to clog with after the election?

i know, conspiracy theories about how the race was biased! or so many people weren't counted!

i'm just going to protest either way.

shattered glasses

2008-11-03T20:34:00.000-08:00

man, i don't do enough. hahahz.

my 5 current dreams,
to find happiness and love in serving

to find success in work

to be at peace with whom i've become

to seek understanding in everything

to overcome pain

i broke my tape deck

2008-11-02T23:08:00.000-08:00

actually, i'm going to add extra inputs to my tape machine. it will still only be 4 tracks though. but then i will dump it to ProTools HD and layer it. ftw.

anyway,
so today during church, i was having a thought experiment with the guy sitting beside me. He had some physical proof of a fact. I said, well, what if i rip it up and write down my own physical proof of another fact, that would make mine the fact. and he didn't get it. he couldn't refute my phsycial proof except by what he had in his head. i was kinda bummed that he didn't do better.

out of eden

2008-11-02T18:21:00.000-08:00

okay my christian music listeners, this isn't about how i saw an out of eden concert. i just think was thinking about the concept of being out of eden. and i'm not going to really expand on that thought, because that will influence yours.

So, if this tree is 9550, how does this fit it?

time to begin again random endings!!!

top 5 favorite ways to end a night:
with milk and cookies

being home after a long day at work

with intellectual discourse

talking to my family

running

kindertotenlieder

2008-10-30T19:58:00.000-07:00

i have a musical history test tomorrow.

question, now that gas has gone down from 4.00 to 2.85, why haven't the prices of airlines and shipping companies do the same? or even the florist? come on...

I am free

2008-10-27T20:30:00.000-07:00

go to work
send your kids to school
follow fashion
act normal
walk on the pavement
watch TV
save for your old age
obey the law
repeat after me:

I am free

classical

2008-10-26T19:29:00.000-07:00

here are some running quotes to get up! get up! get up!

everyone is invited, not everyone shows up

membership dues are collected daily

prove it

you vs. you

start arrogant, find humility

sing birds

2008-10-25T20:57:00.000-07:00

general update.

went to my grandfathers funeral last weekend. it wasn't unexpected, which made it not as difficult. there were points that i actually enjoyed the weekend. i enjoyed sitting with the cousins. i think that was the only times that all the cousins had been together in quite a while. i don't think it will happen anytime soon, unless like Sharina said,"i hope grandma dies soon so we can do this again."

i am super ready to be done with school. i could also sleep in a studio and live there eternally. nice.

2008-10-05T09:20:00.000-07:00

i quit. this is the last post on this one. i won't drag this death out any longer.

but could there be a phoenix? yes. humans live for hope.

stop

2008-09-28T20:35:00.000-07:00

go read something about the upcoming political situation.

ANYTHING!

PLEASE!
CNN
go read something from outside the USA, like the BBC

(no picture, go read)

don't be surprised

2008-09-27T19:49:00.000-07:00

i popped it. ghosts. toothpaste. my life at oceanway.

i have come to the conclusion, that as a scientist, I can no longer call myself a conservative.

Science is about progress, conservatism isn't.

This has been quite a neat little journey to go on. I came into college as a conservative, believing that things were better how they used to be. As I have discovered, it wasn't better. People just remember the things that they want to, and they will even make things up.

This could mean I'm liberal, I could be whig, or green, etc... just not conservative.

dancing with cash

2008-09-27T12:01:00.000-07:00

dan from the listener project spent the night at my house last night after his show. it was cool, cause he brought his knives along.

tomorrow looks to be a long day.

i haven't written in such a long time, that i don't have any ideas that need to have more attention than all of them. they all want to come out, but i can't focus on them one at a time.

i don't write songs. too tedious.

the knee isn't really getting any better. taking meds, but no goal.

each day needs more sleep.

tuxedos are a cop out.

i end each day with punctuation

if i got

2008-09-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

my bike is oiled.

i have a headache.

if you can give me a moment, i'll be back with some man.

give me

2008-09-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

the opposite of fear is not courage, it is compassion

i'm too busy for a normal life. but i want it that way. but i would like to know what Jesus wants.

i thought about

2008-09-18T22:23:00.001-07:00

my dreams

i have more vivid dreams and i sleep better when i wear my teeth retainer.

conservatism in 2008: bigger government with more power. wtf. i would vote for (gasp) ron paul over mcCain right now. i know. but at least he understands what the word conservatism stands for.

Here are some quotes from Pravda’s “Palin —the Devil in disguise”:

The candidate for the Vice Presidency of the United States of America, whose experience in small town politics, mothers´day [sic] dos and the local hockey club is her claim to fame, threatened to open the gates of Hell by attacking Russia in the event of another invasion of Georgia in a televised interview on ABC (shown today). One question for this self-opinionated upstart: Do you know what a nuclear holocaust is?

Sarah Palin, Mrs. Nobody know-it-all shrieking [sic] cow from Alaska, the joke of American politics, plied with a couple of vodkas before letting rip in front of incredulous audiences while McCain coos in the background, cuts a ridiculous figure as she strives to be taken seriously.

So Sarah Palin, Mrs. Hockey Mom housewife-cum-small-town gossip merchant and cheap little guttersnipe, suppose you shut up and allowed real politicians and diplomats to do their work? Threatening Russia with a war is perhaps the most irresponsible thing anyone could do at this moment in time. Have you any idea what a nuclear holocaust is? Have you any notion of the power of Russia’s armed forces? Did you know that Russia has enough missiles to destroy any target anywhere on Earth in seconds?

And have you not forgotten, you pith-headed little bimbo from the back of beyond, that small detail about the slaughter of Russian citizens by Georgians, which started the whole debacle? So next time suppose you keep your mouth shut and while you’re at it, make sure the members of your family keep their legs shut too. Your country has enough failed mothers as it is.

For those who have stuck with me this far, there is one redeeming piece in the Pravda article: a picture, and it is not of Sarah Palin.

original article here

tomorrow brings rain.

here it here here here it comes

2008-09-16T17:04:00.000-07:00

i don't have a lot of new things to say. i have had a lot of things to do, but not many interesting things, unless you are a beginning audio engineer. so let's just assume that you are, cause that will make me feel better.

so i tracked on friday a piano minor, bass major, percussion major, flute major. that was the shit! it was soooo tight. i had little moments of this is the coolest thing ever, and then it got better. it might be the best thing i've recorded here at belmont.

i met with jim gray, and he introduced me to bill richardson. i think that is his name. anyway, he taught me some cool little things in pro tools, and then taught me how to tune in the box. we spent about 4 hours in his studio last night for free. and then he offered me his studio this weekend to get the rest of it done. um, WAY awesome

and then the other day, i was starting to look for a pro tools rig, and a guy last night gave me his cause he wasn't using right now. God's provision is good.

i listened to some classical Indian (from Inda) music last night. i really got into the rhythms. the Indian culture is quite spiritually mature, espcially compared to the USA. the main concept behind classical Indian music as i was told is that the voice is the most scared instrument because it is part of the body, there is no gap or void to prevent the loss of meaning from the spirit. the music is spereated into ragas which are moods of the day. more here

i haven't done much with piano, but i'm going to regret that in the next two weeks. yikes!

much either with friends.

the statement was made today in one of my audio classes (by me), "if you have a girlfriend, you're not doing it right" if only pro tools could make sweet love :)

well, that's all i have for you. buh- bye.

protect ya neck

2008-09-14T10:04:00.000-07:00

i follow evolution. creationism has more to prove than evolution. can you find and read the hidden link?

drama mama

2008-09-06T16:44:00.000-07:00

hey mama, i can spell drama.

so give it up. do you feel it? you just gave up and i won. :|

this week i go in to dr. elrod (name?, idk) cause i have a tear in my pateller tendon. like a big one. my dr. was surprised at how big it was, cause i'm superman. surgery? possible. therapy? yes. will i get looked after like a sick puppy? yes. will i milk it for everything it's worth? depends on how sassy i feel that day. is elrod a medical professional that works for the titans? yes. am i excited? no. do i like applesause? yes. are you still reading? i hope not.

i like the dark honesty of gnarls barkley.

i have a really busy week looking at me. 3 or 5 studio sessions. 2 night classes. 2 nights of work. i hope i can make everything. here's hoping.

waits for the

2008-09-03T21:11:00.001-07:00

well, i don't have any homework for tomorrow, so i'm all yours tonight. love me more.

he sits in the babbles babbling in a roach infested alley, starting fights with all the people, like harry, dick, and tom with a broken snapple bottle. he gladly looks back beneath all this rock and roll, prostitues, drugs and watch them go. he left his wife for everynight she kept him from these glamerous rights of passage. now he keeps them right there, standing, turns the leaves black, and looks upon the skyline. time and time again talks to God and asks him for a shot again. he wants a quick response, he's used to fast food, doesn't realize that it's chick with the tatoos and glass shoes standing right before him.

now it's a minute after midnight, and his riches back to bags. he's making records upon his phonograph, yelling 'you don't know the half'! half track mind got distracted. perhaps when he punched you in the face, he might have over reacted. turns up the music, he looses himself in each and every measure. he just wants it to get better.

it's another hustle, another lonely night, just another day of shuffling his feet and living his life, it's just a harsh reality that nothing comes for free. it's just another day. just another couple steps from where he needs to be.

she stands on the platform, glances at the headline and waits for the train. just another wistefull stranger trying to avoid each gaze. placing the blame on all the governments wasteful ways, laughs to herself and watches the city fly past. it's been a long week, maybe a long night, showing mr. what's-the-difference at the local social breeding ground, there's no need to get needy now. she sees these clowns and imagines of all her compainions, wishes them goodnight, could be that mr. right, it could be that last man standing. she's got "indepedent woman" tatooed in bold across both shoulders, so don't control her, but she still wants someone to hold her. she look and sees the bottom of the glass now, drinks too much and passes out. she's not too surprised if she would wake up inside of a crack house. wakes up in bed besides a stranger, 2 packs of cancer sticks and a lighter. just once she wants to match the name to a face to the man who lies beside her. burns a cancer stick or two before she gathers her things together, she just wants things to get better. she wishes

it's just another couple weekends and notches upon the bar. just another wish upon a star, just another couple heartbreaks till she finds just what she needs, she's just another couple steps from where she wants to be.

please try so hard.

i step right through that door. drop my bags and heart on the floor. i embrace her in embrace until you can't take it anymore. i put my faith in your face and i wait for that first kiss. i'm pale from all the memories that i've missed. the blistering pace of traveling across the globe from where ever god knows where ever. i never knew i'd have to daisy chain those loose ends back together, never knew love like this, never knew sacrifice like this before. it's just my first chance to pass his life out and your local record store. holding my lifetime in my arms, then i kiss her goodnight. on my flight, griping tattered edges, of a picture framed in fingerprints, it's just a single blimp of innocence. just a 60 second phone call seems infinite. all said and done, gone in an instant, man in a physical form with his heartbeat the speed of an infant.
typical storm weather, with an aftertaste... adrenaline let down, after the show, 3 hours to see how far we can get now, get down to business, get the party started, get back home to my wife to show these people where my heart is.
i pity the heartless, the man who can't see, i mastermind the revolution while i'm taking out the garbage. placing my carcass in my favorite chair, wondering if i can make it there. glaces at each new face looking back at him with a vacant stair. laying it bare on the records, it keeps my whole world together, i just want to make it better.

a few more days, a few more shows, a couple hundred miles more on this road, just another sorry baby till i set these people free, i'm just another couple steps from where i need to be.

sorry officer

2008-09-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

i talked with the bliget tonight. jealous?

so why did my history just show up on the awebs? well, cause i am in this place of confusion. and i feel like i have a hard time trying to put it all together.

i talked with john. a john you don't know.

he said some things that i had said to myself a couple of years ago, when i was first wrestling with these questions. to summarize:
well, you might have the answers, you might not. even a lifetime of searching might not get you answers. be open to both sides, cause it is natural people trying to understand supernatural events. it is good to know about all the points, but that isn't the goal. close the conversation when it gets angry cause it's not going anywhere.

so there are no answers. and i'm at peace with this.

come holy spirit, and refresh my soul. time for prayer and silence.

now it is time to become conditioned to not having control. am i ready? HAHAHAHHAZ, no. so i feel like i make my own decisions, which is really isn't the truth. i find that my job leaves a lot out of my control. like the paycheck. or the phone call.
i guess that i need to translate that into a spiritual practice. i feel like i'm really going to fall upon my face. who likes to give up control? no one. it makes us feel powerful. one of those things right up there with sex and money. which are kind of like fire, they always can have more.
so i don't know what to do. i could give up. i could leave this all behind. which i've done before. it's about time for to do it too. i usually only last about 2-3 years in a circle or so, before i don't give a shit anymore. then, i see the politicos/feuds/love triangles that make me hate.

shak'em all down

2008-09-01T22:17:00.000-07:00

pt 2

so i made it to belmont and i left the intellectual informatory that was nwc. a friend asked me if i wanted to go to church with her, and because i had only been in nashville for a couple of months i said sure. as we were driving there, she said, "it's different. you might not understand everything that goes on, but that's okay" so i was like, cool, something different. which was exactly what i wanted. i wanted to rebel from my old institution. i went to grace center. it was pentecostal as tents and manna.

i went there for over a year. in that time, i saw jewels show up in people's hands, i saw healing miracles of cancer, and arthritis, deafness and such and further on. i saw the spirit move among a people, and i was moved. i worshiped without abandon, with out care of outside eyes. i grew in my knowledge of the spirit, tongues, and prophesy. i learned how to soak in the spirit. yet the ways of my youth came back to haunt me. i looked for biblical rigor, and found little, i looked for confirmation of the traditions, and found none. i looked for submission to leaders, and found none, i looked for discipleship. again, nada. i began to see a ritual in the worship service, i began to see the same people over and over having the same 'revelations'. i heard the same vague words. and i was just a tall face in a large crowd.

again, i became disenfranchised with the system. now i was burnt out on both ends of the candle. both on the logos and the spirit. i can't say that this story has a happy ending, in fact, it has a rather crappy ending. it doesn't end well. i have doubts on both sides of the tracks. i am skeptical of the spirit, and doubt the word. i am most often discounting the signs or wonders i see. i push away a lot of the radical religiosity. i am cold, calculating and spiteful towards most of the religious institution. i have wrestled with calling myself a christian. i would lean towards more of a theist. i believe there is a god somewhere, and he is probably good, but i don't know which one it is. and i really haven't found/read anything that convinces me that i should change my position. most of the stuff i read, i understand that these things are written with a specific purpose in mind; to change my mind. so i don't put any stock in them. i am open to faith, and i would love for something/somebody to convince me of something.

who is he? and what is he to do?

he's calling the hump

2008-08-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

sorry for the super large pause.

i've taken this time to acquire the intertubes. but it blocks piratebay. boo

the classes have started. i have the class on saturdays and all other days. schedule changed.

so this is going to be a 2 part series, kind of as a basis/background for this blog. cause it might be long.

so i grew up in the church. my parents both grew up in the church. my dad grew up lutheren and my mom grew up reformed.

i have a lot of memories of growing up in the church. I remember my mom practicing organ. I remember running up and down the aisles as fast as i could. i went to awana with two older girls cause my mom didn't have the time to drive us there. i remember sunday school and such.

anyway, i grew up in a very traditional church. the RCA (Reformed Church of America), better than the CRC (Christian Reformed Chruch). which it isn't. it was just the rivaling denomination. It was very much a logos church. I knew all my bible stories. i knew mary and martha, i knew Job, i knew noah, i knew the pillar of salt/Lot's wife story cause it was my sister's favorite. idk...

In the summer before my sophomore year, i went to TEC (teens encounter christ). it was a weekend retreat run by students meant to bring bring christ into a more personal relationship to high school teens. it led to a mini-revival among the youth groups of the area. it was started by the catholic church, but the RCA was in charge in my area of the world.

this was the first time that i was introduced into the spirit. i felt him move and i saw the effects that he had in people's lives. it was a weekend of worship and testimony. a total of 10 testimonies were told by a combination of students and sprititual leaders. i made a lot of new friends during this time because i found people that were alike in their religious backgrounds and people who were excited about Christ. i went back and helped serve at other TECs. it kind of became a popularity contest and had a clique of people that were associated with it. i had a seperate TEC group about an hour away from me and i had my school group and i even had my church group. i had 3 different communities that i was a part of. i found the most acceptance in my TEC friends and so i started to hang out with them more and more. it was a break from high school.

by the end of my time there, i began to notice things that really made me feel uneasy and i started to question if it really was the spirit that i had experienced or if it was a psychological phenomenon that was orchestrated. there was a formula that the weekend followed. the windows were covered so to keep the 'outside' world away from the weekend. it was to keep the focus on what was going on inside the building. (it was held in a larger church) large amounts of candy and pop were freely dispensed. each testimony had a script to follow about topics that were supposed to be covered. they had to be approved by a moderator. each day ran deep into the night, and started early in the morning. so there was a large amount of sugar running through the candidates bloodstream, along with sleep deprivation, and hugely emotional stories. i wasn't surprised that people broke down and cried for no reason. i became skeptical of how it was run and if all the events were authentic.

well, then i moved on to college. my freshman and sophomore year were spent at Northwestern College. i took biblical studies with vonder bruegge. it wasn't bible study. it was biblical studies. it had nothing to do with a personal faith. it wasn't time to talk about how Jesus' sermon on the mount applies to our faith. that stuff was checked at the door. it was a class to look at apologetics. and the historical bible in a cultural and social context. it was my first class as a freshman. and it rocked my world. it addressed subjects that i had never thought of, nevertheless been introduced to. issues of originality, fallibility, and divinity.

i suffered through that class. these were foundational issues that i was struggling with, and because i was a little freshman, i didn't have any answers, and i didn't want to bother anybody with. a friend of mine from elementary school that went to NWC also found out about and talked with the prof. this was after the class was over, and he felt a deep sorrow that he had such an effect. that wasn't the point of the class, but it was too late.

i lost my faith. for the next two years, accompanying evidence and acts and words of others fully eroded my faith. i still went to church and bible study, but i wasn't in it. my flame was extinguished. the flame that i had found and had tried to hold on to in high school had been hit with a tornado. i was introduced to ideas of intelligent design, the clockmaker theory, creationism, and evolution. i was introduced to occum's razor. i was introduced into all these theories, and there weren't any answers for me that i thought could compete with the scholarly information. faith began to become second rate. i saw it as a poor excuse for irrational behavior. i began to see religion as a opiate. i hated the niceties of christianity, along with the formal, traditional rules.

no extra's today.

always gone too long

2008-08-24T16:37:00.000-07:00

piano: my devil.

RADAR MANUAL

2008-08-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

i'm so hungry.

so today, the house got together and we worshiped together. it was a time of thanksgiving for the gifts we had been given. how each of us had come together, for the house, for the food in the house for the ability to provide for ourselves.

well, during this time, matt asked us what we would think about fasting for a day. i was up for it. i had done some fasting before and it wasn't too hard. it was harder to explain to my mom why i was not eating the supper. i could usually get away with not eating lunch, but supper was always together. i usually faked being sick or something. well, so matt was like let's do it. so right before lunch, we started a fast.

so i'm hungry. looking in the frig is awesome. i mean, look at all that wonderful food. i just want to eat it. we are only drinking water, and i'll have some toast tomorrow cause i had a big day of work. but we will eat again tomorrow for lunch.

the physical toll it has put on me is kinda becoming apparant. i have a slight headache and when i exercise, my fingers get all tingly and numb. right, i know, that's not good. and my legs are really restless. i should be taking this time to really meditate on scripture, but it's not possible for me to do in the studio. i wonder if it will be fruitful or not.

tonight, i found a couch on craigslist. so matt will have somewhere to sleep tomorrow. so far, he's been sleeping with charlie or on the floor. i offered for him to sleep with me, but he didn't want to. i did give him my blankets for some extra padding, but it's really not that great.

They were the best consoles that Neve ever made

2008-08-19T17:47:00.000-07:00

they sound are alright. the 8078.

well, here i am. new house. new kitchen and living room. A yard. new neighborhood. new roommates. things will be different.

ah the roommates. always interesting to talk about different people and then compare them. pico chico is going to be the most interesting. he has so many different facets to his personality. the chico around girls he likes, guys he gets along with, when he's tired, around his family. he took matt back to his home this past weekend, and i asked matt about what his family was like, cause it's always interesting to know abou the family to understand the person. chico is nothing like his family. i wonder what he doesn't like about home.

today's famous list: Amy Grant

oh, technology is making us dumber. just a little homophily. there is a divide, another social way to seperate us. for me, i find that i almost live in necessary connection to the interwebs. my draw of information is enormous. over the last 30 days, i have had 1328 different items delievered to my reader. i read about 95% of them. over the last 5 days, i've visited over 40000 web pages. the last 3 days, i've been without internet acess at home. 359 bookmarks (that's w/o submenus). over 3 hours of my own music, plus a good 4 hours of an elvis christmas song. just one song. i don't think that my time is 'wated' or that i'm getting dumber. i agree that there is a lot of information overload.

here's a good article on my beef with everyone must go to college, even if it is to fix a car. because you aren't any good w/o one. oh, a BA may show that you can work independantly, but how often do i do work that i am not supervised over. or that i have a well balanced education, because that makes america a better social scene because we can all discuss British Lit (aka bitch about how much we hated that class). why is college is even structured? if there is one insitution that could use a good reform, it would be the university. not in the idea of financial reform or of zoning or other crap like that. No, it should be on the cusp of new ideas and readily look at them. instead, it has gotten too huge, and is a slow footed-lazy ass-gum nasher. it makes me despise the monster i feed.

MRI looks to be in my future. i would almost give anything right now to go for a run.