stop

go read something about the upcoming political situation.



ANYTHING!



PLEASE!
CNN
go read something from outside the USA, like the BBC


(no picture, go read)

don't be surprised

i popped it. ghosts. toothpaste. my life at oceanway.


i have come to the conclusion, that as a scientist, I can no longer call myself a conservative.

Science is about progress, conservatism isn't.

This has been quite a neat little journey to go on. I came into college as a conservative, believing that things were better how they used to be. As I have discovered, it wasn't better. People just remember the things that they want to, and they will even make things up.


This could mean I'm liberal, I could be whig, or green, etc... just not conservative.

dancing with cash

dan from the listener project spent the night at my house last night after his show. it was cool, cause he brought his knives along.

tomorrow looks to be a long day.

i haven't written in such a long time, that i don't have any ideas that need to have more attention than all of them. they all want to come out, but i can't focus on them one at a time.

i don't write songs. too tedious.

the knee isn't really getting any better. taking meds, but no goal.

each day needs more sleep.

tuxedos are a cop out.

i end each day with punctuation

if i got

my bike is oiled.

i have a headache.

if you can give me a moment, i'll be back with some man.

give me

the opposite of fear is not courage, it is compassion


i'm too busy for a normal life. but i want it that way. but i would like to know what Jesus wants.

i thought about

my dreams


i have more vivid dreams and i sleep better when i wear my teeth retainer.


conservatism in 2008: bigger government with more power. wtf. i would vote for (gasp) ron paul over mcCain right now. i know. but at least he understands what the word conservatism stands for.

Here are some quotes from Pravda’s “Palin —the Devil in disguise”:

The candidate for the Vice Presidency of the United States of America, whose experience in small town politics, mothers´day [sic] dos and the local hockey club is her claim to fame, threatened to open the gates of Hell by attacking Russia in the event of another invasion of Georgia in a televised interview on ABC (shown today). One question for this self-opinionated upstart: Do you know what a nuclear holocaust is?

Sarah Palin, Mrs. Nobody know-it-all shrieking [sic] cow from Alaska, the joke of American politics, plied with a couple of vodkas before letting rip in front of incredulous audiences while McCain coos in the background, cuts a ridiculous figure as she strives to be taken seriously.

So Sarah Palin, Mrs. Hockey Mom housewife-cum-small-town gossip merchant and cheap little guttersnipe, suppose you shut up and allowed real politicians and diplomats to do their work? Threatening Russia with a war is perhaps the most irresponsible thing anyone could do at this moment in time. Have you any idea what a nuclear holocaust is? Have you any notion of the power of Russia’s armed forces? Did you know that Russia has enough missiles to destroy any target anywhere on Earth in seconds?

And have you not forgotten, you pith-headed little bimbo from the back of beyond, that small detail about the slaughter of Russian citizens by Georgians, which started the whole debacle? So next time suppose you keep your mouth shut and while you’re at it, make sure the members of your family keep their legs shut too. Your country has enough failed mothers as it is.

For those who have stuck with me this far, there is one redeeming piece in the Pravda article: a picture, and it is not of Sarah Palin.

original article here

tomorrow brings rain.

here it here here here it comes

i don't have a lot of new things to say. i have had a lot of things to do, but not many interesting things, unless you are a beginning audio engineer. so let's just assume that you are, cause that will make me feel better.

so i tracked on friday a piano minor, bass major, percussion major, flute major. that was the shit! it was soooo tight. i had little moments of this is the coolest thing ever, and then it got better. it might be the best thing i've recorded here at belmont.

i met with jim gray, and he introduced me to bill richardson. i think that is his name. anyway, he taught me some cool little things in pro tools, and then taught me how to tune in the box. we spent about 4 hours in his studio last night for free. and then he offered me his studio this weekend to get the rest of it done. um, WAY awesome

and then the other day, i was starting to look for a pro tools rig, and a guy last night gave me his cause he wasn't using right now. God's provision is good.

i listened to some classical Indian (from Inda) music last night. i really got into the rhythms. the Indian culture is quite spiritually mature, espcially compared to the USA. the main concept behind classical Indian music as i was told is that the voice is the most scared instrument because it is part of the body, there is no gap or void to prevent the loss of meaning from the spirit. the music is spereated into ragas which are moods of the day. more here

i haven't done much with piano, but i'm going to regret that in the next two weeks. yikes!

much either with friends.

the statement was made today in one of my audio classes (by me), "if you have a girlfriend, you're not doing it right" if only pro tools could make sweet love :)

well, that's all i have for you. buh- bye.

protect ya neck

i follow evolution. creationism has more to prove than evolution. can you find and read the hidden link?

drama mama

hey mama, i can spell drama.

so give it up. do you feel it? you just gave up and i won. :|

this week i go in to dr. elrod (name?, idk) cause i have a tear in my pateller tendon. like a big one. my dr. was surprised at how big it was, cause i'm superman. surgery? possible. therapy? yes. will i get looked after like a sick puppy? yes. will i milk it for everything it's worth? depends on how sassy i feel that day. is elrod a medical professional that works for the titans? yes. am i excited? no. do i like applesause? yes. are you still reading? i hope not.

i like the dark honesty of gnarls barkley.

i have a really busy week looking at me. 3 or 5 studio sessions. 2 night classes. 2 nights of work. i hope i can make everything. here's hoping.

waits for the

well, i don't have any homework for tomorrow, so i'm all yours tonight. love me more.

he sits in the babbles babbling in a roach infested alley, starting fights with all the people, like harry, dick, and tom with a broken snapple bottle. he gladly looks back beneath all this rock and roll, prostitues, drugs and watch them go. he left his wife for everynight she kept him from these glamerous rights of passage. now he keeps them right there, standing, turns the leaves black, and looks upon the skyline. time and time again talks to God and asks him for a shot again. he wants a quick response, he's used to fast food, doesn't realize that it's chick with the tatoos and glass shoes standing right before him.

now it's a minute after midnight, and his riches back to bags. he's making records upon his phonograph, yelling 'you don't know the half'! half track mind got distracted. perhaps when he punched you in the face, he might have over reacted. turns up the music, he looses himself in each and every measure. he just wants it to get better.

it's another hustle, another lonely night, just another day of shuffling his feet and living his life, it's just a harsh reality that nothing comes for free. it's just another day. just another couple steps from where he needs to be.

she stands on the platform, glances at the headline and waits for the train. just another wistefull stranger trying to avoid each gaze. placing the blame on all the governments wasteful ways, laughs to herself and watches the city fly past. it's been a long week, maybe a long night, showing mr. what's-the-difference at the local social breeding ground, there's no need to get needy now. she sees these clowns and imagines of all her compainions, wishes them goodnight, could be that mr. right, it could be that last man standing. she's got "indepedent woman" tatooed in bold across both shoulders, so don't control her, but she still wants someone to hold her. she look and sees the bottom of the glass now, drinks too much and passes out. she's not too surprised if she would wake up inside of a crack house. wakes up in bed besides a stranger, 2 packs of cancer sticks and a lighter. just once she wants to match the name to a face to the man who lies beside her. burns a cancer stick or two before she gathers her things together, she just wants things to get better. she wishes

it's just another couple weekends and notches upon the bar. just another wish upon a star, just another couple heartbreaks till she finds just what she needs, she's just another couple steps from where she wants to be.

please try so hard.

i step right through that door. drop my bags and heart on the floor. i embrace her in embrace until you can't take it anymore. i put my faith in your face and i wait for that first kiss. i'm pale from all the memories that i've missed. the blistering pace of traveling across the globe from where ever god knows where ever. i never knew i'd have to daisy chain those loose ends back together, never knew love like this, never knew sacrifice like this before. it's just my first chance to pass his life out and your local record store. holding my lifetime in my arms, then i kiss her goodnight. on my flight, griping tattered edges, of a picture framed in fingerprints, it's just a single blimp of innocence. just a 60 second phone call seems infinite. all said and done, gone in an instant, man in a physical form with his heartbeat the speed of an infant.
typical storm weather, with an aftertaste... adrenaline let down, after the show, 3 hours to see how far we can get now, get down to business, get the party started, get back home to my wife to show these people where my heart is.
i pity the heartless, the man who can't see, i mastermind the revolution while i'm taking out the garbage. placing my carcass in my favorite chair, wondering if i can make it there. glaces at each new face looking back at him with a vacant stair. laying it bare on the records, it keeps my whole world together, i just want to make it better.

a few more days, a few more shows, a couple hundred miles more on this road, just another sorry baby till i set these people free, i'm just another couple steps from where i need to be.

sorry officer

i talked with the bliget tonight. jealous?



so why did my history just show up on the awebs? well, cause i am in this place of confusion. and i feel like i have a hard time trying to put it all together.

i talked with john. a john you don't know.

he said some things that i had said to myself a couple of years ago, when i was first wrestling with these questions. to summarize:
well, you might have the answers, you might not. even a lifetime of searching might not get you answers. be open to both sides, cause it is natural people trying to understand supernatural events. it is good to know about all the points, but that isn't the goal. close the conversation when it gets angry cause it's not going anywhere.

so there are no answers. and i'm at peace with this.

come holy spirit, and refresh my soul. time for prayer and silence.

now it is time to become conditioned to not having control. am i ready? HAHAHAHHAZ, no. so i feel like i make my own decisions, which is really isn't the truth. i find that my job leaves a lot out of my control. like the paycheck. or the phone call.
i guess that i need to translate that into a spiritual practice. i feel like i'm really going to fall upon my face. who likes to give up control? no one. it makes us feel powerful. one of those things right up there with sex and money. which are kind of like fire, they always can have more.
so i don't know what to do. i could give up. i could leave this all behind. which i've done before. it's about time for to do it too. i usually only last about 2-3 years in a circle or so, before i don't give a shit anymore. then, i see the politicos/feuds/love triangles that make me hate.

shak'em all down

pt 2

so i made it to belmont and i left the intellectual informatory that was nwc. a friend asked me if i wanted to go to church with her, and because i had only been in nashville for a couple of months i said sure. as we were driving there, she said, "it's different. you might not understand everything that goes on, but that's okay" so i was like, cool, something different. which was exactly what i wanted. i wanted to rebel from my old institution. i went to grace center. it was pentecostal as tents and manna.

i went there for over a year. in that time, i saw jewels show up in people's hands, i saw healing miracles of cancer, and arthritis, deafness and such and further on. i saw the spirit move among a people, and i was moved. i worshiped without abandon, with out care of outside eyes. i grew in my knowledge of the spirit, tongues, and prophesy. i learned how to soak in the spirit. yet the ways of my youth came back to haunt me. i looked for biblical rigor, and found little, i looked for confirmation of the traditions, and found none. i looked for submission to leaders, and found none, i looked for discipleship. again, nada. i began to see a ritual in the worship service, i began to see the same people over and over having the same 'revelations'. i heard the same vague words. and i was just a tall face in a large crowd.

again, i became disenfranchised with the system. now i was burnt out on both ends of the candle. both on the logos and the spirit. i can't say that this story has a happy ending, in fact, it has a rather crappy ending. it doesn't end well. i have doubts on both sides of the tracks. i am skeptical of the spirit, and doubt the word. i am most often discounting the signs or wonders i see. i push away a lot of the radical religiosity. i am cold, calculating and spiteful towards most of the religious institution. i have wrestled with calling myself a christian. i would lean towards more of a theist. i believe there is a god somewhere, and he is probably good, but i don't know which one it is. and i really haven't found/read anything that convinces me that i should change my position. most of the stuff i read, i understand that these things are written with a specific purpose in mind; to change my mind. so i don't put any stock in them. i am open to faith, and i would love for something/somebody to convince me of something.

who is he? and what is he to do?