singing for the trees

everyone's taking everything they can. we are in this game for ourselves. besides the obvious working for money, more examples. why do we go to church? in hopes that 1, we go to heaven 2, avoid judgement. why do we get married? so that we can experience love for ourselves. why do we have kids, to pass on our genetic material. why do we want success? so that we can be recognized for our accomplishments. why do we want to be entertained? so we can have the most amount of happiness in our lives.

all of this make altruism such an difficult concept to understand. the excuse of doing good for others doesn't cut it because there is a reason you are helping that person. you help the person sick or hungry because it benefits the community around you. that person gets better so that they can contribute back to the well being of society, or the person is fed so that they may continue to put forth work and make the community better.

right now, some would say that i'm in a state of confusion. i'm really struggling with my identity. on some very basic levels. such as what are my beliefs in a spiritual realm. i will not believe in a god because i might go to hell. i will not fall into such a trap. nor will i accept the teachings of some self-purposing prophet. circular reasoning is just that, haha.
at this point, i'm figuring out what I don't accept.